Thursday, Mar. 14, 2013 11:35 a.m.

future schmuture, money schmoney

Oh gosh. I was hoping the rent check wouldn't cash for a few more days. I should've know.

This is such a weird situation; I almost want to laugh at the predicament we've found ourselves in. I never thought it'd truly be like this, and it's interesting to figure out how to solve it.

So we didn't have enough money in our account to cover rent. I was hoping this check of K's or a check of mine that we're expecting might come in before rent cashed and it would all work out ok just barely. Nope.

Overdraft protection kicked in and took money from the credit card to cover it. I had been secretly saving up some cash ($20 here and there cash back from grocery trips) in order that we might still be able to take our trip to gettysburg for the 150th anniversary this summer (this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing). I took $200 out of it yesterday to deposit so we wouldn't be overdrawn. I now have only $50 in my savings envelope. It kind of bummed me out to take from that savings envelope as that took awhile to gather and I don't know if I'll be able to replace the money...which might mean no gettysburg. :( :( :(

There is this HUGE consignment sale going on today and tomorrow that happens only once a year that I'd been looking forward to. But I now have no money to shop. So I yesterday took this jar of coins we had to coinstar to exchange for cash. I got almost $40. That will be my shopping money.

The credit card that we used for overdraft protection is now completely maxed out. We only had a couple hundred dollars available before the rent check cashed. So yesterday morning, when we first got overdrawn, I went online to our SECOND credit card and requested a balance transfer so as to at least make a little more room available in the overdraft protection credit card, as I'm POSITIVE that we'll have more overdraft in the next week or so before I get paid again.

It's only a matter of time before this second credit card is maxed out too.

Where do we go from here?

I think that next month, I might encourage K NOT to put the rent check in the mail. From what I've read, it's rather difficult to get tenants evicted and takes many months. We've been really good at paying on time for the past couple years - our landlord surely will not kick us out for awhile. This will at least bide us some time. At least until the summer when we can decide if we have to move.

It's amazing how quickly the little money I make from my job goes. It's also amazing how ridiculously we are in debt and keep building more. But yet, I have an excellent credit score. I'm proud of that credit score. I don't really want it to be destroyed...but I think I may just have to accept that it will be.

I canceled automatic payments on one of our credit cards just now. I don't know what else to do. We just can't pay it right now. Maybe next month, maybe the month after, but not now. I wonder if I should start cancelling automatic payments on all our other debts right now. I wonder how seriously that would affect me for the future? I have no idea how all this work and the only thing that's keeping our spirits up about all of this is that we still think/believe that something amazing will happen soon and that we'll be able to bounce back and pay all these things off one day.

Interestingly, yesterday K found out about a job that is hiring in Austin. Working with an A-list director there. K applied. Honestly, the position sounds perfect for him and for us. It was almost like a sign, how it opened itself up to him right at the moment where we are just about to hit rock bottom. I hope it's a sign. It's a very, very weird and scary thought to really imagine re-locating; I mean, we've put 10 years into this city. We've developed friends,established ourselves, gotten to know this place. It is home.

But there is also something very exciting about even just the mere prospect of starting over again somewhere.

Of course, more than likely, K will never even hear back from this job. It is a little silly for us to even consider the idea of something as great as this happening. Great things are ALWAYS ALWAYS "just around the corner" to get excited about, and they NEVER EVER happen. That has kind of become the motto of our lives the past half a year: disappointment.

So yeah. What do we do from here? I don't want to really explain these money issues to K right now. That will not help anything. Plus, he actually meeting right now with his old business partner about the contract supposedly being finalized so that they can go back to work soon. I mean, I'm kind of optimistic that that is in fact happening, but I'm also not. Wasn't something like this supposed to happen months ago? I feel like it's just as likely for this whole deal to fall apart than to work out. As with everything now, K and I just tell each other "we'll believe it when the check cashes".

Anyway, so I don't want to make a big deal of it to K, because (as always) money might be right around the corner and we'll be able to sort this out and this moment will just be but a tiny bump in the road of life.

But what if it's not?? What that deal with his old business partner doesn't work out?? What if this really is our lives from now on?? What if I do need to stop paying debts and rent and start looking into considering bankruptcy as a viable option??

Blah. Stupid future. What do you hold? Is this temporary? Or permanent? How will I look back on this? I wish I knew so I could be prepared either way...

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