Wednesday, Dec. 12, 2012 6:13 p.m.
9 days til the end of the world
I have to admit that a part of me is secretly hoping that the world is truly going to end in 9 days. Or at the very least somehow modern life as we know it will be significantly altered.
I know it's unlikely. I remember Y2K. Much ado about nothing, and we all woke up the next day and the world went on. We'll probably all wake up in 10 days and nothing will have happened and we'll just continue on continuing on. But I can't lie that a part of me hopes that we all get a big surprise.
It doesn't have to be Armageddon with all of human life ceasing(though if that did happen, oh well, it's not like I'd be around afterward to mourn the loss of humankind). I'd be content with just something like all satellites or internet or phone service being shut down. Or even massive earthquakes or flooding that significantly affect human population. Or maybe just something we were lose all electricity like on that show "Revelation". I'd just like a shot at taking my family and the adventure of entering into a different kind of life.
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K's been getting a lot of free screeners lately (it's our one luxury at the moment, since we can't afford to much at the moment!) and it seems as though most of them leave me in a pretty somber mood. But I guess if they're being sent to K in hopes that they'll win a Writer's Guild award, that of course they're all dramatic and bittersweet, huh?
Though it wasn't a screener and we actually rented it for $1 at the red box, we recently watched "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World" about what else? The end of the world. I don't if I "liked" it per se, but I found it interesting. Spoiler: the movie ends with the world ending. Sad, I suppose, but it kind of made me accept that well, if the world is going to end, then it's going to end and all I can do is embrace that end.
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If I do indeed wake up in 10 days on Dec. 22, then maybe I'll have a new lease on life, realizing that I do indeed have to keep on keeping on and make the best of it. But I think that for the next 9 days, I'm not going to waste my time or headspace with any long-term decisions. I'll wait until I know for sure that I'll have a long-term. Because really, at this point, I think I'd be ok if none of us wound up not having a long-term afterall.
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As for where I'll be on Dec. 21, just in case on the rare (but maybe lucky?) chance that the world does indeed go to shit?
The middle of nowhere in desolate West Texas on our drive home for Christmas. And honestly, if you've ever driven that stretch of the I-10 before - which is one of the loneliest and emptiest drives in all of the U.S. - then you'll understand that if it does happen to end up as the last place we'll ever be before we perish, that I suppose it would actually make a rather ironically appropriate grave.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.