Tuesday, Jul. 09, 2013 9:01 p.m.
countdown to a new beginning
Yes, we've been saying FOR MONTHS that we're going to make a decision soon about our lives. Several so-called "deadlines" have come and gone without any action being taken at all. We never follow though because we really, really don't want to follow through. We don't want to give up hope that we're actually at the secret finish line and we want to still believe that good things are right.around.the.corner and if we give up now we'll miss out.
But this time, I think it's actually real. Fate/God/The Universe has lead us to this point. Either we are being set up to take a necessary leap or else we just had to hit rock bottom before taking off.
Very strangely and unexpectedly, I am uncertain of my job status for next year. As of this moment, I don't yet have a contract for next school year. I've been told to plan to attend the professional development that starts the end of this month, but I have not yet been given a position. It is freaking me out. K and I are both unemployed right now. How is this even possible of a situation for us to be in???
However, interestingly enough, another possible job has been presented to me. One almost identical to the job I've had the past 4 years, but at the "parent" company of my current company. I've been applying to the parent company for 3 years now and was VERY surprised to receive a call from them last week. VERY surprised. But it's only part-time. But I can be located anywhere in the U.S. with this job and not limited to CA as I am now.
The opportunity has also arisen for K to work at my dad's company in Texas starting mid-August if he so desires.
We're giving it until the end of July to see what happens and decide what to do. Either we are giving our landlord our 30-day notice on August 1, or else something amazing has finally happened with one of K's projects.
It is time. It has to be time. We've been strung along for way too long.
I said this aloud to K this afternoon, and I was surprised how much I meant it. K agreed, with more definitiveness than I'm used to hearing from him.
"One way or another, things will completely change by the end of this month."
And it's true.
Let the countdown til the end of something and start of another begin...
22 days and counting.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.