Thursday, Jul. 17, 2014 9:31 a.m.

waiting

I am going sick with waiting. I don't understand what's going on with this new job. I was offered the job last Thursday, 1 week ago today. I was told HR would contact me. I got an emailed link to a background check form on Friday, but nothing else. I don't know salary info. This is freaking K out which is stressing me out. He thinks I'm officially taking the job, I thought I was just waiting to hear from HR with the salary info first. We had agreed that I wouldn't officially sign anything until we knew the salary, and K is upset with me because he thinks I've already taken the job. I haven't signed anything, so I don't think I have the job yet.

I am stuck in limbo and going crazy. Seriously, I might be going crazy.

The lady I've been talking to, who hired me, can't do anything about it, other than to wait for HR to contact me. She says she keeps checking in with HR. I don't want to be pushy (I think I'm already being a little too pushy), but summer is almost over and I need to know where I have a job. Am I still at my old school? This new school? Do I need to figure out childcare? Do I need to get a second job in order to make ends meet?

I'm also waiting on my insurance reimbursement from the birth. I should be getting around $3500. The check should be arriving any day now, I think. I hope. I've already called to check on it a couple times. I need that money in order to settle the last of our credit card debts. I'll feel freer once we are officially no longer in credit card debt.

I'm so very glad that K is working right now. But the hire him in 2 week chunks of time, and we never know anything beyond that. We'd both LOVE LOVE LOVE for a fulltime, permanent position to open up, but of course we'll take what were given for right now. But that's stressful too! We're just waiting to find out what's happening with him too. Will he be let go at the end of next week? Or continue working?

I've been praying for friends this week. Yeah, actually said a couple small prayers. And yeah, that makes me sounds utterly pathetic. But I need friends. I need them. Local friends who I can see and hang out with occasionally. And good friends too, where I don't always feel like I'm having to be on my best behavior for. I want to feel free to be me and talk about dumb things and feel comfortable. I'm going to try stepping out on a limb and going to two meetups this weekend. They are awkward yes, but I need something.

So I'm waiting for friends too. Waiting to see if a prayer can be answered.

I've been working on my invention a lot. Well, thinking about my invention, I should say. I'm at the point where I know exactly how I want things and out of what materials, and I could probably go to a manufacturer and have some prototypes made. But that's expensive and I can't afford that at all right now. So instead I'm trying tofind ways to make them on my own. I'm trying to figure out what materials I have access to that I can use. And I just can't find a way to make what I want. I have an idea, but that would mean I'd have to go shopping at a store. The store is open from 9am-8pm. K is gone - with the car - from 8:30am-8pm. So I have no way of getting to the store. So working on my invention is on hold. And I'm just waiting for the weekend when I can have the car and go someplace.

Once again, waiting.

So far this week, I have done nothing. I have not excited. These days might as well be erased from my life. All I have done is stare at my computer, waiting for an email from this HR department. And then waiting for the mail to come to see if that reimbursement check is there. That it's. That's been the entirety of my life the past 3 days. I just ant the days to pass until I know something.

Anything.

Jobs. Money. Friends. Mail. Store. Just waiting.

Please something happen.

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