Friday, Aug. 16, 2013 10:14 p.m.
brewing
Yesterday around 11:30am, I saw that I had a text from my sister from earlier that morning. She told me just found out she was pregnant, with #3. Her #2 turns 1 this month. Her #1 turns 3 in December. Remember back when she used to whine to me about what she thought were her fertility struggles?
Right now, K's off playing cards with the guys and I'm home alone tonight. I have work to get done that I should be doing, but I can't concentrate. What I really need is a drink to relax.
Yesterday, at about 11:20am (mere minutes before I got my sister's text), I had to pee, and because I'm addicted to testing my urine and because I'm always stocked with the cheap test strip pregnancy tests, I felt like testing and I did. -- I should note that because I had a work conference earlier this month, I didn't even test for ovulation, we had sex maybe once during the entire fertile time, and I basically wrote off this cycle as a non-opportunity to get pregnant. Besides, I had tried too much the month before and was diassapointed too hard, AND we can't afford to get pregnant anyways. So I didn't even care that this was going to be a wasted month.
Can you guess where I'm probably going with this?
Yeah. I got a positive pregnancy test. Honestly, I'm just baffled. Totally baffled. HOW did that happen? I mean, yes, technically, we did have unprotected sex, but um, only once during any time that could be considered a possible fertile time! And we've had unprotected sex lots of times other months and not gotten pregnant! And we're also both under tons of stress right now and we drink alcohol most nights, and neither of us are taking any kind of vitamins or supplements or doing anything to "try"! It just happened! I didn't think that sort of thing happened to me.
I'm not at all getting excited about this yet though. I could very easily be met at my next bathroom trip with bright red blood again. It's too early to get excited. I don't even want to make a doctor's appointment yet. I just want to ride it out for another week or two to make sure it'll stick around first.
AND, seriously, K better get himself some form of income ASAP if this thing is actually going to happen. This better be the news that jump starts everything else to fall into place too.
And really, how in the world did this happen right now???
(but hey, I guess at least I already had a "Big Sister" shirt for C to wear to announce to K...)
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.