Monday, Jan. 03, 2011 2:29 p.m.
L.A. is finally catching up
In the past couple weeks or so, there has been an influx of Los Angeles friends I know getting engaged. Which is kind of weird, because, um, they're all around my age and I've been married for 5 years already. And these are mostly people that have been dating for years and years, so it's not like they're just met each other. What it is is the whole, "oh, I nearing or recently reached my 30s and I guess this is sort of the age where I'm supposed to start settling down and having kids".
On one hand, I'm happy for them as marriage is an awesome thing and I'm excited to welcome them to the world of marriage (and especially since for the past 5 years I couldn't really ever talk about anything married life with any of them in public, since K an I were the ONLY ones who were), but on the other hand, a lot of them lived together previously and I kind of always pictured them as "married-ish" already...so I'm not really too excited.
And actually, what I'm slightly afraid is that a lot of them are finally becoming officially married because they want to have a family soon (I mean, there's not a whole lot of difference between living with someone you've dated for years and being married to them - except the lifelong commitment aspect - and that the statistics say that you're more likely to get divorced if you lived together first). After all, around turning 30 is when a women starts to realize that her fertility goes downhill in only several years and she better get started on something.
So...while I really am happy that others my age out here are starting to embrace the idea of marriage...I'm also worried that I'm going to start to get pregnancy announcements from THEM starting up soon. My L.A. friends. Who have always been so proud of perpetually living the single lifestyle.
I don't know what I'm going to do if they pass me up in starting a family - I got married 5 years ago after all - in my mid-20s, when everyone else out here thought we were crazy and that no one in their 20s can get married and have a successful marriage. I've been telling myself the past couple years that it's ok if everyone back home in Texas has kids, because at least no one that I actually see on a regular basis out here does, and if I ever do get pregnant that at least they'll be excited because it'd be new to them.
But if everyone out here starts having kids before me too? I just don't know what I'd do...
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.