2002-01-05 - life is stupid!! what else is there to say?
2002-01-04 - Is this a normal thing?
2001-12-31 - i have the most pathetic life
2001-12-17 - it's been awhile
2001-12-08 - things are so good!!
2001-11-30 - i cried tonight
2001-11-28 - white stuff
2001-11-28 - marriage and stuff
2001-11-26 - this is the one where I talk about high school and my new love of reading! :)
2001-11-19 - happy...?...life's funny...
2001-11-18 - things to look forward to?
2001-11-16 - LA here I come!!!
2001-11-15 - I hate Thursdays.
2001-11-12 - what is it about boys?
2001-11-12 - if I could create a word that meant absolutely 'nothing, just empty space' that's the word I would use here
2001-11-11 - Harry Potter vs. Christianity
2001-11-11 - this monotony that is my life
2001-11-03 - thankfully, life ain't so bad
2001-11-02 - suck it up and deal
2001-11-01 - death, suicide, meaning to life - I hate it all!!! What's the point of being here?
2001-11-01 - RE: Real World casting call!!! (I want to die)
2001-11-01 - Real World casting call!!!
2001-10-29 - encouragement??
2001-10-26 - I feel like I've lost myself
2001-10-22 - The Big 21.
2001-09-24 - hmm?
2001-09-11 - 911
2001-09-04 - this sucks. I'm feeling down again
2001-09-04 - I'm so tired, it's not even funny and I'm writing really randomly
2001-09-02 - too much to do
2001-08-29 - intro to this journal thing
Chapters of My Life
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.