Monday, Jan. 27, 2003 1:24 p.m.
healthy relationships week
well, well, it's Healthy Relationships Week (aka marriage week) here at ACU! which pretty much is yet another not-so-subtle hint that that this place is a marriage factory and that something is wrong with you if you�re not engaged or married by second semester junior year! So, yeah, it�s just another slap in the face to us poor, lonely, single girls who actually want to do something with our lives and didn�t come to college merely to get our MRS. degrees!!
Ok, so I�m bitter. The truth is: I just realized that the ever-popular Valentine�s Day is coming soon and I will once again, as always, have no point in celebrating it. But I don�t want to wear all black and sulk the whole day � I do like celebrating holidays, but for this one, celebrating it alone makes it all even lonelier. And it doesn�t help that everywhere I turn, people are getting engaged. I swear, I�m 22 and feeling like an old maid! Are all the good guys taken by now? Are all the good girls taken too? Is that why I�m left behind, �cause I�m not good enough?
I was bored yesterday and took an online IQ test. Two of them actually, and both scores were 133. Not that I consider online tests as proof of anything, �cause I�m sure that they�re a bunch of bull, but still�it was nice to feel decently smart for awhile there. I don�t plan of ever actually telling this score to anyone, I�d probably sound like I was bragging, but inside, it just made me feel like maybe I wasn�t too retarded of a person, you know? :)
Well, actually, I am a retarded person! I just mailed a letter to this guy that I saw once on A Dating Story a couple of months ago�I mean, come on!, that�s such a stalker thing, right? :) but, he seemed really interesting and my roommate thought he�s like perfect for me so she did some investigating and found his address on the internet�and I actually wrote him!! I swear, I�m such an idiot!!
�but hey, I guess you only live once, right??
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.