Wednesday, Feb. 01, 2012 8:19 p.m.
but once to live
Baby C rolled over today. Finally. At 4.5 months. And yes, I feel totally proud, as though I somehow, though my amazing talent as a mother, caused her to perform this astonishing stunt.
It was kind of the highlight of my day. I'm not gonna lie. I even caught video of it on my phone and have re-watched it several times. I swear my daughter is the cutest thing in the world; I don't care if no one else agrees. :)
I'm busy. Life just keeps going on. Days pass, weeks pass, months are gone. Story of my life.
K went back to working from an office. He has a real job with steady hours and gets to come home in time for dinner most nights. I actually COOK dinner when he's home for it. A real dinner. I signed up on a meal planning website called e-mealz and I'm learning how to make all kinds of things. It's awesome. I love having real dinners on a fairly regular basis.
I'm also working, even if it is just from home. I hired a babysitter who comes for 5 hours every morning to watch baby C while I'm on my computer, teaching my live Algebra classes. It's funny; but it's all I could do. Day care seemed more than I want to mess with right now. So this babysitter thing is working out.
We're, like, kind of settling into "domesticated family life". I'm not going to lie; I LOVE it.
I love that days follow a schedule now. I love that I know what to expect. 31 years old is too old for this finally to be happening. Why did I ever long for the spontaneity of our previous lives and careers? Our lives were such a mess then. We'd say that we loved the excitement of never knowing what tomorrow would bring...but I think we only said that to cover up the fear and uncertainty that we really were feeling.
Baby C is cutting her first two teeth right now. It's crazy. But awesome. I truly cherish every moment I get with her. I know she will grow up sooner than I can imagine, and I drink in everything about her at each little stage of her life that she's in. I know I get these times but once to live. And I'm eternally thankful for them.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.