Monday, Feb. 06, 2012 11:53 p.m.

home intruder

A strange man came to our door about an hour ago. K was at the gym. He actually tried opening the door. I had to call the cops.

I think I did everything wrong that I was supposed to in that situation, but I don't practice for that situation, I didn't know what to do. How was I supposed to know what to do?

I couldn't get a hold of K for 45 min. because he was at the gym and didn't have his phone with him. I couldn't even call the gym to have them page him because all I could find was their office number. I tried it and they had closed at 8pm. So I just had to wait.

K finally got my messages and came home. I started to tell him what happened, but he got mad at the way I handled things. Again, how was I supposed to know what I was supposed to do in that exact situations?? He wasn't there, he doesn't have my brain, he didn't get to jump to the exact first conclusions that I did.

So I stopped telling him the details of what happened. I can't go back and change it. He'll just worry and tell me what I shouldn't have done. And it won't help me any.

But I would like to explain what happened still, somewhere. So that's what a diary is for - yay!

I was at my computer, with music playing. I thought I maybe heard footsteps on our porch. But our dog wasn't barking (our dog barks at everything), so I didn't even think about it. With music playing and the sound of the street, sometimes you just noises. And again, my dog wasn't barking. I had no reason to suspect anything.

Then it sounded like someone tried to open our door. My first thought? It was K. Maybe he forgot something and was coming home early from the gym. Who else would try our doorknob? But K didn't walk in. No one did. The door was locked.

I was in the middle of working on something for work, so it took like 30 seconds for me to realize that someone might be at our door and no one had come inside. Our dog had only just gone over to the door and was whining. Very weird. I thought maybe K had something in his arms and was trying to get in and was fumbling for a key?

I went over to the door. There was a little door pizza flyer sticking in the side - it started to make sense. I bet one of those door-to-door pizza flyer people was putting out flyers late and had just stuck on our doorknob. Those tings are annoying though, so I unlocked the locked, and opened the door to take the flyer off. As I did, I caught out of the corner of my eye, a man standing on our porch, 3-4 feet away from me!

It caught me totally off guard. But you know me; I am not a super reactionary person. My first thought was not "murderer coming to kill me". My first thought was much more logical: "it's the guys giving out the pizza flyers", or "it's someone lost and at the wrong door". I live on a very busy street, with lots of apartment complexes. Our house is very close to the sidewalk; people are walking their dogs at all hours of the nights; there is always someone nearby and I generally feel very safe. There is no logical reason why a random guy would be standing on my front porch, in very public view, unless he needed something.

So...my first thought? I asked the guy if there was something he needed. He was just standing there, hardly moving. He just shook his head. I then realized that something was up; he was VERY out of it. Perhaps I should've slammed my door and called 911 right then, but I don't know, something about it didn't feel threatening and before I called someone for help, I thought it would make more sense to at least try to figure a name, or what he was looking for, or something.

Perhaps that was stupid of me to do. Perhaps I should've slammed my door and screamed for help. But it's hard to think sometimes in moments like that I just went with what seemed like I was supposed to right them.

The guys seemed harmless, and in need of help. He was maybe late 20s, white, wearing jeans/white tshirt. I don't know much about different kind of drugs and the side effects they cause, but my guess is that he was on something. Because he couldn't think and was just overall lost.

I asked if he lived on this street or was looking for a certain address. He said he was cold and wanted a blanket. I said I'd get him one (which was a lie, but I figured maybe he'd wait outside til police came if I told him that; I didn't want him wandering into traffic) and asked what his name was. He said it was Todd and and again said he was just really cold and needed a blanket. He said all of this as though he were half asleep and honestly didn't know where he was. Perhaps I am really, really stupid for having talked to him, but I honestly did not feel threatened, and I was honestly concerned for him and though he might just walk off into traffic.

So I told him to sit on the step and I'd get him a blanket and find someone who could help him.

I called the Police Dept. I actually had a moment of deciding to call the police, or 911. I didn't feel in imminent danger, but there was a guy who needed help from the local police - so the local police made the most sense to me to call. I looked up their number online (although now I have it saved it my phone, so I'll have it for anything in the future). I told the dispatcher that there was a strange man on my porch, that I thought he was on something because he was really out of it. I told her that he kept saying that he was really cold and she seemed shocked that I had spoken to him. It was the first I'd even considered that I wasn't supposed to have talked to him. I didn't know he was on my porch when I first opened my door! I wouldn't have opened it if so - but once I had, and he was there? Well, I explained my reasoning for speaking to him a few paragraphs up. I didn't know what else I was supposed to have done at the time.

So I talk to the dispatcher for a few more minutes. Give her my address, a few identifying details (I have ALWAYS been horrible at identifying details; I think it's the way my mind works, since I'm probably slightly asperbergers or something, unless I know that I'm supposed to be paying attention to specific details, I don't consciously think about them). He was a white guy, short hair, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. I wanna say he was mid-late 20s, but I'm off on age a lot. I think his hair was light, but I might be wrong. I don't remember. Those are not the details I was paying attention to. My mind was focusing on his more subtle behaviors that led me to the conclusion that he was likely harmless.

While talking to the dispatcher, I was packing my small house, mostly in the kitchen which was as far fro the porch as possible. When the lady asked if he was still there, I went to check. He was gone. I opened the door to see if he was walking down the street. I couldn't see him. Just then, the cop car drove up. I hung up the phone and talked to the cop, who stayed in his car in the middle of the street, holding up traffic. The cop asked which way he'd gone. I said I didn't know. The cop asked what he was wearing; I told him what I knew. Then the cop drove down the street and I went inside.

I strangely felt like a failure, I wanted the cops to get the guy, figure out what was going on, help him out...and let me know what had happened. I couldn't even keep the guy around for someone to help him. And I apparently broke some cardinal rule by talking to him. I talked to him and I didn't get him help. I failed doubly.

I must have called K a dozen times in the next 45 min. I just wanted him home. I know it wasn't his fault and we can't live with our cells strapped to our ears, but it was kind of frustrating that of ALL times for him not to be with his phone is the time when I really need him.

He comes home and I start explaining what happened, and the second I mention that I open the door, he tells me that this is stressing him out and that I shouldn't have open up the door in the first place. When I said that I asked the guy if I could help him, K got made at me for talking to him. Great. Just what I need, to feel even guilty for something I can't change and wasn't expecting to have to respond to. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO I DID THE BEST MY GUT TOLD ME TO IN THAT MOMENT. Ok??

I failed in responding to this random situation in my life AND I didn't even help that random guy get any of the help that he probably seriously needed.

Whatever. I'm no longer scared that an intruder almost came into my house (thank God K locked the door when he left though) but I'm more annoyed I'm being criticized for a response I can't go back and change and that I can't even vent out all the details to my own husband because it'll scare him too much and he'll be mad at me for it.

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