Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2006 8:02 p.m.

hate for this class

ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that was my cathartic diaryland yell.

I am in my weekly 4-hr. class right now. it's break. I have my laptop.

I cannot take these classes anymore!!!!!!

I hate ever trying to brag or sound smart - but for once, I feel confident saying this: I feel as though these classes are geared towards those with IQs at least 40 points lower than mine. seriously!

it's like I am 10 again, sitting in class, completely unchallenged and bored out of my mind. it makes me reckless, it makes me not pay attention, it makes me be a horrible student.

I find that ironic since supposedly I'm in a class teaching me how to teach.

I'm supposed to be in graduate school...which comes AFTER undergraduate. these classes are crappier than my first semester of freshman classes 6 years ago.

I can't even describe it - but do you ever just feel that your entire life is being wasted because NOTHING you fill your time with is the least bit challenging...or worthwhile to fill your time with?

I've been feeling lately like maybe I have the capacity for SO much more than I've ever allowed myself to consider before...and I'm starving for the ability to challenge myself to see how far I can get...only I have no time to do anything...

I hate this class.

I think I need to yell again:

ahhhhhhhhhhdfkjbvsokdbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuubv,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxjhfffffffffffff
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbmwakrgbsdkdvbskjdbvksudbfksbvksdvghs,afjkblskucnkxjfglckuasnfglk
bgxk.jhvseucbfwg abfjklbtcksceuckvjasgcfknjsenegrfuixbcbfkxgcb,sfgzjnhxcvgn xcgnikutgcnrv,skngxmf,ugvntljkcgfv,utnfg,jkn,jkgnsvxfg

ok - that's a little better. :)

(oh, and happy first married valentines to me. I'm in class til 10pm. fun, huh?)

previous | next

Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?
Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying

Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.