2002-03-03 5:10 p.m.
prayer and sin?
Ok, someone just signed my guestbook and asked me to respond and tell them what I think. BUT, they didn't leave an email address or anything. That's annoying! :)
I love getting advice from people, it's fun to hear what others think I should do. I guess most of the time it's my own fault because I don't expose all of myself so people don't know what I've already done. But it's just funny that this one person wrote that I should pray everyday and ask God to work in my life. what harm can it do, right? Well, here's the thing. maybe it dosen't physically harm you, but praying can almost be like wishing. When I came out her to L.A. I wished I would get a really good internship w/this one company, I wished I would find a job, I wished I adjust pretty good and I wished I would have some cool people to hang out with. These are all things that I would've normally prayed about if I was still a praying person. But you know, I didn't pray about any of these and they still happened.
Praying for God to work in your life. My, that sounds so good. What do you mean by that???? Think about it! work? do what? 'I want God to do something in my life'. Things happen, what things count as God working? If you want to think that way, then every single thing that happens is 'God working' and so why are you even praying/wishing for God to work in your life. I think that is just another phrase that really means very little, if nothing, once you break it down.
This person also said that turning away from God can eventaully lead me to sin. I am not 'turning away from God'. I'm looking for truth! For anything that's real. yes this person admitted that every answer can be questionable but tried to help by giving their answer so I'm not trying to totally disregard what this person says. (Whoever you are, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry. I really don't want to be mean.) It's just that, how I am I sinning or on my way to sin when all I'm doing is questioning and searching for truth, holding nothing too high not to doubt?
And my last question about what this person wrote: How can you say that God only created the good in this world, not the worldly things? What are you saying, that someone else out there, some other force as great as God's created all the other stuff? If you believe, don't you believe that God created all? yes, and this comes down to the age-old question: Did God create evil? I'm really not trying to stir up trouble, I promise, this is just everything that goes through my head when I hear something like this.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.