Monday, Mar. 08, 2010 4:57 p.m.

single, married, childless, parent

Last night I drove 4 hrs. to Las Vegas. This morning I tried to juggle appointments and teaching from random places I could get internet. Then I drove 4 hrs. back home.

I have a Calculus test tomorrow morning.

Then I drive back to Las Vegas tomorrow night and stay through the weekend.

Fun. But not "party" fun.
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Over the weekend, we had a couple friends from the "early days" over for an impromptu barbecue. These are people that I first met back when I was interning or when I first moved out here, and that I still know only because they were K's friends and kept in touch with him. So when I ended up sticking with K, well, naturally, I ended up still knowing them too.

I enjoyed having these people over and talking about the "good ole days". They are such a weird mix of friends - out in L.A., I partied with them when in my early 20s when I first moved out here, yet the majority of them are all christians who went to church/school together. They weren't/aren't "industry" - they're like my college friends, only they are my just-after-college, college friends.

We sat around talking, catching up on people. I mostly didn't know the names, but I recognized a few. Most of the stories were: oh, they're married with kids, or they have TWO kids now, or they left L.A. and have some nice, normal job, etc. Half the group was single, and K and I, though married, are without kids - and we kind of found ourselves discussing these people with a small sense of aloofness.

What happens to people as they grow up?
Is it sad that those people moved back home and gave up dreams and lost contact with us in order to be settled with a family? Or are we the sad ones, still here, still pursuing it, many still single or without a family (whether voluntary or not)?

It actually made me remember a lot how I used to view married people back when I was single. It seemed after marriage, that couples entered some new boring world. They had no need to go out; they had each other. They wouldn't understand the plight and regular loneliness of singledom...maybe they had, but they had easily forgotten it. It was awkward in public with married couples - what did you talk about with them? Their lives seemed to revolve something completely different than yours - something you kind of wanted to understand, but couldn't and especially didn't want to be reminded that you couldn't.

Because K and I started dating, got engaged, and got married in a really short amount of time, I remember promising myself that I would not act like a normal married couple afterwards. I would not cling to K in public. I would not talk about our personal lives in front of others. I would not make jokes about sex. There were many things I was not going to do. I was always going to remember what it felt like to be single and look on married couples.

I still remember this. After 4 years of marriage, I can't say I always follow this though. Sometimes, sadly, my life is kind of boring and I don't really have much more going on in life that what I'm involved in with K. But I actually think this has much more to do with my switch in careers than anything else.

K and I still hang out with a lot of singles though. And I try really hard to not act "married" in front of them. I wish they knew that sometimes; that I really do try and take that into consideration. I like being married and who knows, maybe they really want to be married to, or they may not, but either way I don't want to make anyone feel weird around me because I am.

Someday if I ever enter the new stage of life that is parenthood, I'm going to have to remember this too.

We are still our own persons, no matter what stage of life we happen to be in. I know I am.

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