Friday, Mar. 19, 2010 5:33 p.m.

at peace again

It feels like it's been a long time since I last wrote. I've somehow already forgotten last weekend. None of that seems to have really happened anymore. It was insane. But it's worked out. It worked out really well.

I feel at peace this week. At peace with the way things have worked out in my life. Or at least the way things are right now.

I feel optimistic.

K's show has been back in full-swing production the past couple weeks. You'd hardly know that I'm actually married; I barely see him. I'm not exaggerating this either. I've read some people on facebook who complain that their husbands work too much, but when they go into details, their husband work until like 9pm or something...and then it's only for a couple weeks for a big project or something...and then they're back home at 6pm for dinner like normal afterwards. Ahh...these people know nothing. :) For the past two weeks, K has never come home before I've fallen asleep. I don't go to bed until midnight or later. He leaves around 8am. But I leave the house at 6:40am every morning to go take this Calculus class I'm taking. I feel him at night during bed, but the majority of our short conversations now are forced to take place over email. It will continue to be like this for the next several months.

It's much easier this year though. I know what to expect during production. I've also gotten used to working alone from home. I'm no longer lonely; I no longer feel the need for companionship. I am happy with my own company. It's been nice to get to this point.

There are perks to things. K's doing well in his job. I get to share his optimism and excitement. He's writing an episode this season...and this is opening up doors. When we go places and mingle with others in the entertainment industry, it's no longer, "oh, I work for these people on this show", it's "I'm a WRITER on this show". It's completely different. It's legitimate. He's ever-so-slowly becoming legitimate in this business.

I'm so proud. If anyone is reading this and thinking I'm boasting - go back and read some of my entries during the "Fading Dreams" section of this diary. We deserve to be excited. K deserves to be excited.

I'm mostly proud of the determination, not the success itself.

I think I found a new place to move to. A place with a small yard. We plan to get our dog back. It has a lemon tree, and I'm going to garden.

I'm taking a Calculus class and it's kicking my butt. I stupidly thought I'd be smart enough to get by in the class...but I have too many holes in my knowledge. I didn't realize how much trig there was in Calculus. I've never taken trig. And last week threw everything off - I don't know if I can get back on track. But I'm still trying. If I fail, I will take it again...and teach myself some trig beforehand.

I like taking it anyways though. It makes me happy to feel like I'm trying to improve myself.

I'm also at peace with other things that used to plague me. I've figured out a plan for them; I've discovered the core of my anguish. Some things I still do not understand, but I have done what I can and it is no longer up to me. I've washed my hands of it; I am no longer affected. And I'm happy.

I really am.

And that's really good to say.

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