Monday, Mar. 29, 2010 11:16 p.m.

what I believe/my religion

So for the past couple days, I have been trying to figure out which religion I should realistically belong to. I grew up Christian, and went to Christian schools for middle/high/college. Most of my older friends or acquaintances are Christian. I may not really believe in Christianity anymore, but I still hold deep respect for the religion and will never try to persuade anyone away from belief in it. It is the most familiar to me and I feel at home it in.

But I don't really believe it. I've always felt awkward talking about Jesus. God I get. God I can go with. But Jesus? To me, he just seems like a man in childhood stories. I understand his part in Christianity and what his life and death represent. But I've never felt right about any of it. Even when I was a Christian. I would talk in terms of God; I would only very seldomly talk in terms of Jesus. And when I did, it always felt forced.

I of course realize that Christ is kind of central to the whole notion of Christianity, but somehow I thought since I still believed in the overall assumption of the religion, so I was still covered by it.

But I really shouldn't call myself a Christian anymore.

So I've been searching for a new religion. And I don't think there's anything out there that matches what I believe. I really want to find a community that believe as I do, or maybe just close to what I do. I'd love to become a church member again somewhere.

Here are my main beliefs:
- one supreme, all-knowing God. While I believe that a man named Jesus Christ likely lived, I don't know if his stories are true or embellished, or if he was a prophet of some sort, or maybe just plan crazy. While I believe that there could be "prophets" throughout history, or people who had a closer connection with God and shared these revelations with others, I don't think any of these people should be worshiped or celebrated.

- God is assessable to humans through prayer, but humans have such small minds that we will never be able to comprehend his plans or understand the vastness of the universe and our place within it. After death, when our bodies and soul separate, our souls will only then begin to be shown the master plan.

- I don't believe in "hell", but I do believe that only the souls of those worthy enough will be granted knowledge of the universe and given eternal life after death. (I tend to learn more toward some sort of eternal spirit life rather than a physical one, but I'm still figuring this out.) Worthiness is based not on actions, good deeds, or profession of faith, but instead based on purity of thought, commitment to established ideals, and in a sense, "finding your true self".

- God isn't so much a father-figure, but more of the bearer of all knowledge...in some ways, He is the universe itself. Not in a New-Age-all-is-spirit way, but as in he-has-all-knowledge-and-all-control-of-the-universe way. The universe would not exist without Him. He holds everything together. He does not exist in a physical form that we can understand. I like to think of the difference between a 2D world and a 3D world. If we lived in 2D, it would be impossible for us to imagine adding another dimension beyond us and how a person in a 3D world would manipulate and affects all areas of a 2D world (here's a excellent site to help understand dimensions: http://teamikaria.com/hddb/classic/). In the same way, there's no way that we can understand how a God in a 7th, 8th, or 9th dimension would be able to interact and manipulate ours.

I'm getting sleepy and need to go to bed, but I kind of like being able to write this out and define it. Maybe someday I'll actually find others who believe as I do. I think religion is important and something that gives meaning to other - and I'd really like to have a religion.

I'm going to add some more to this list later.

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