Monday, May. 23, 2005 12:44 p.m.
at the car wash
so I've always had this weird, secret, small fantasy of doing it in one of those old-fashioned drive-thu carwashes...well, maybe not even doing "it" specifically, but making out, fooling around, anything. as long as it was in a car wash as the washers are beating the sides and the water is spraying everywhere...you get the point. anyways, so I finally had the perfect opportunity yesterday. my man was with me and my car was filthy. I found some reason why we should make the drive to the only drive-thru car wash around, instead of having someone do it for us. we were being all cute and love-y on the way, slowly touching each other, gazing into each other's eyes at every stoplight, etc. I secretly made plans for my "pounce" once the car wash started... I pull into the car wash, put the car in park, take off my seatbelt, give him that "look", and begin to lean over into the passenger seat to fulfill my fantasy... (oh, real quick, my car, as do most cars 5 yrs. or older, has a few little quirks. one of which is that the back passenger window sometimes rolls down a bit on its own - and the only way to fix it is to manually push the window pane up with both hands. ) ...and as I'm leaning over and the car wash is just about to start...I notice the window. cracked. car wash. water. not good. I quickly divert my lean away from him and toward the window, pushing it up just in time. only I have one of those cars where the window buttons are in the center console area. and are very susceptible to accidentally being hit with knees when one is leaning over the seat to save other windows from water squirting in... a blast of water and soap hit the right side of my body in the same instant that I realize, too late, that the drivers side window is now, yes, open. for one brief second, I abandoned all rationality. all I knew is that I had to get out - I put the car in drive, about to push on the gas...when the window started rolling up. I looked at my fianc�. he was cracking up laughing, his hand on the window button. I spent the next two minutes caged in my car with him, half soaking wet, my stomach hurting from laugher. so things don't always go as planned and it isn't always easy to be sexy. :)
Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.