Saturday, Jun. 14, 2014 8:51 p.m.
becoming Catholic, pt. 1
So I think I've mentioned that I think I'm going to become a Catholic at some point. I keep studying and researching more and more and yeah, it's weird - very weird - to admit this, but I definitely think it's the direction I'm being pulled.
It's so weird because growing up my perception of the Catholic faith, and the Catholic faith that I'm getting to know, are two totally different things. Protestants are apparently given a very skewed, or at least extremely stripped-down, version of what the Catholics "supposedly" believe. But every one of this things which previously sound like ridiculous Catholic beliefs, now that I understand the reasoning and logic behind the beliefs, things make so much more sense. There are still some beliefs that don't completely sit right with me, but I do understand why the beliefs are held, and the reason behind why they are held makes sense.
It's just strange. But great. It's nice to feel like I'm on a path toward something that I actually honestly, wholeheartedly, and legitimately believe could be true.
Unlike the Christianity that I grew up with, where I always had a tiny bit of strange lingering doubt that never completely settled. I did not ever admit that though, because I assumed if I said I believed and if all my actions showed that I believed, that I eventually would fully believe. I did always believe in a God, I just never really understood the whole "accept Jesus as your savior and you're saved". To this day, I don't really understand what that means to "accept" Jesus. It sounds completely made up and empty words, like fluff, that people say when they want to sound good but actually don't know what they're talking about.
But with Catholicism, it's interesting, it's like you're almost allowed to doubt and question. In fact, you're almost encouraged to. And instead of just figuring out how to interpret the Bible on your own what what in the world you're supposed to think (which ends up meaning that many different people have many different interpretations as to what God is supposed to be saying)- there's a higher authority of people who have always worked out the answers. The Catholic church all believes the same thing on the same issues. You can go the Catechism for answers. Which, honestly, I find a lot of stability in a religion that actually believes in - and stands for - something. Something that won't change with whatever the popular current "interpretation" is.
ahh, i want to write more about all these new thoughts I'm having, ut baby is crying and I need to feed him. I'll be back to write out more later. :)
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.