Thursday, Jun. 27, 2013 7:03 p.m.

Catholicism vs Baha'i

So, after quite a bit of research last night, I'm down to two religions to choose from:

Roman Catholicism
or
Baha'i Faith

Baha'i Faith actually, and very surprisingly, seems to fit near exactly with what I've come to discover/believe through my own searching. Not 100%, but really darn close. It's like the religion I wanted to exist but didn't know that it did.

My biggest hangups with Baha'i:
1) they don't believe in abstaining from alcohol. Eek. I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but man, alcohol has come to be a nice vice for me. I could probably afford to cut back some - I don't really need to make cocktails at home every other night - but to never drink alcohol? I definitely use it to help me in social situations sometimes. Cutting it out completely would be a significant sacrifice. I wonder if I could just be a bad Baha'i and still secretly drink? After all, isn't that how my Christian college was like? But then why claim a religion if I'm not going to commit to it?

2) My family, college friends, maybe even current friends would think it's very strange. They may even freak out. I know my mom would. She'd think I'm going to hell. Really though, I feel like Baha'i is to Christianity what Christianity is to Judaism. I wouldn't really renounce Christianity in becoming a Baha'i, but I would accept that that something came after that added to it. Much like Christianity came from Judaism, but added to it.


Roman Catholicism is still Christian, which would definitely eliminate the #2 issues above with Baha'i. I wouldn't exactly believe everything about it, but enough and I can respect the rest I don't fully believe and 'play along'. I think I would also really enjoy the rituals and traditions of the faith.

My biggest hangups with Catholicism:
1) While I would like the traditions and rituals, I'm afraid that it also become overkill. I don't want to feel guilty if I don't attend mass every week, and I also still feel slightly weirded out by all the religions icon and statues. I understand that you do not worship Mary or any of the other saints in Catholicism, but that you pray to them to take your prayers to God. I get that part. I think it's just something from my past that still makes it feel weird, and slightly idolatrous, to have so many other saintly images everywhere. I could probably eventually get over this someday though. But the biggest thing:

2) For the life of me, while I absolutely believe in a God, and I can believe that there was a man named Jesus who probably had direct communication with God - I just have never been able to feel that he is God himself. Even when I was in Christian school/college. I went along with this, and I "believed" on the surface and no one would know I didn't, but in my heart, I always had issues with this. It never sat right. I do not really believe that because this man dies, my sins are magically forgiven. It doesn't make sense in my brain. And while I could play along with Catholicism on this issue (after all, I did it for years growing up), I'm worried that it would eventually eat away at me and that I'd get to a point where I could not no longer continue in the faith and feel like a hypocrite.

So there you have it. I think I'm on the brink of maybe finally choosing a religion to believe in.

But I want to talk to K about this. While I think tat every person should be compelled and choose their own religious path, I also VERY STRONGLY want to share my religion with my family and raise my family in a religion. It is extremely important that K is on board with whatever we choose. He doesn't necessarily have to believe it and he doesn't even have to participate in it. But I need to know that he accepts he and accepts my, and possibly my daughter's, involvement in it. If he doesn't support my religious choice, I will not enter into the religion.

So here goes. I think that, in the near future, I just may be entering into a new religion one way or another. I don't know how I was led to this now. But I have and I think it's time.

previous | next

Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?
Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying

Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.