Thursday, Aug. 22, 2002 2:50 p.m.

it all comes out

These past few days have been like nothing else. I've discovered like this whole new side to ACU studets, the side I always seemd to ignore the fact that it exsisted. I discovered the drinkers, the comfortable ones, the non-judgemental, who-gives-a-shit ones. I've discovered a new group of my friends; don't get me wrong, these people were always friends of mine, but I never really hung out with them. I've learned a new side to them and they've been a little surprised to see a new side to me. We've just kinda hung out and drank a bit; I've never drank so much in a week before, but I'm loving the company. I feel like the type of college buddies one's supposed to have in college.

I didn't go to bed last night, in fact, I didn't even go home. Who would've ever thought? ME? Stay out all night? but it wasn't quite like it sounds. Yes, I did have half a bottle of wine; I was feeling good; talking about whatever became easier, but feeling that way didn't last me all night. I started talking with two of my guy friends - wow, I was open. I was honest. I admitted things to them that I usually only admit in here. I told them my secret: that I'm not a Christain or believe the way everyone else does. I told them about how depressed I had gotten earlier in college. Why did I tell them all this? Was it because we were all drinking and more comfortable? perhaps. But I think I'm finallly getting myself to that point where I'm going to allow myself to be honest with people here. These guys were awesome, they were compleatly non-judgemental, in fact, they understood a lot of me because as it turns out, they had also been through a lot of what I had(I think I'm discovering that everyone's pretty much been through many of the same things, we just never are open about it). They were able to read into what I was saying and make me keep going even when I wanted to shut up into myself like usual.

And so anyways, we all bonded last night, we took turns telling each other things about ourself that would shock everyone to know. It was fun, we were tired and dillusional. We ended up just staying awake all night and so I just took a shower and went straigt to my responsibilites for Welcome Week.

I can't tell you how good last night felt...I haven't been that open or gotten in that deep of conversation since I was in high school and distinctly Christian. You know what I've realized? that EVERYONE has way more to them than you would ever imagine...everyone has their dirty little secerts, and you know, that's great. Why do we judge so much? why do we have to hide things from our past, why do we have to act like we are one certain way and never done the things we have? I don't know...I don't know a lot of things. BUT, I do know that last ngiht was probably a fairly large stepping stone for me...maybe I'm finally being honest with myself and everyone. Let's see...maybe this year will be different after all...

previous | next