Thursday, Aug. 22, 2013 5:19 p.m.

bobbing

Bank overdrawn again today since rent check cashed yesterday. I don't know how that happened. Admittedly, I probably wasn't paying very close attention, as I thinking about money just depresses me so much, so I try to avoid it when possible.

I also probably should've borrowed more money from dad when he offered, but I didn't want to take too much from him and I thought I was taking the bare minimum we'd need.

I get paid tomorrow. But a single paycheck is just not quite enough to make all of rent. K is supposed to be getting a large check soon, but he talked to them today and they said it might be a couple weeks still.

One of us is going to have to call the landlord and ask if we can pay half of rent upfront next month. Once again - surprise - we cannot make rent.

We are maxing our our credit cards. I just cancelled automatic bill pay on all of them. I previously was only paying the minimum. Now it's a game to see how long until we get sent to collections I guess.

Actually K already got a collections letter in the mail this week from an old hospital bill (seriously, from 4 years ago) that recently decided that we needed to pay more. K had refused to pay. So that was the first collections letter (probably of more to come).

I looked up the idea of moving to a cheaper place. Found out that there isn't too much cheaper in the area. Moving will not really help anything.

K has had a bunch of pitch meetings this week. Things are seeming to go really good for him. I mean, there is a decent possibility that someday soon, we will no longer have money troubles.

But that is SO FAR AWAY right now that it is hard for me to care. I feel bad, that I'm not very excited for K. I used to be way more optimistic. Because really, even if something does work out soon, it will still be months until money is seen. We cannot last months. We can barely survive days.

I was at CVS last night and some coupons got applied wrong and I didn't notice until later and I ended up spending $4 more than I meant to. And it seriously pissed me off. I mean, $4? Why should I get so frustrated over $4? Right? I miss the days that $4 was nothing to cry over. But now? Ugh. That $4 was the difference between splurging on getting carryout pizza from Pizza Hut instead of making dinner. Or money I could've put toward something I've been saving up my Swagbucks to get on Amazon.

Really, these amazing things are happening for K right now and while I am semi-excited, I just can't get fully excited. I've become this crappy person and all I care about right now is - when does the money come? Money. Money Money. Money is all I care about.

The dr. want me to come in at the end of next week for my first ultrasound. All I can think is, ugh, I don't want to pay for the office visit, especially when I know it might be too early to see a heartbeat anyway. Even though the funds can come from my HSA account. I only have so much in the HSA account, and I don't want to use it up on unnecessary dr. visits.

Where can you get money on a short notice? I can't bring myself to borrow from my dad again. I just can't do it. Something that pays cash? There's got to be a way. I think I'll see if I can trade in some books for Amazon gift cards. I don't really know how that works, but I can look into it. $2 hear and $3 there adds up and I don't need most of these books anyways. right?

I wonder how long it takes for you not to pay your tv or gas or electric bill before they shut it off? I think I'll cancel tv tonight too. Shh, don't tell K. He's been so hesitant to give it up, but seriously, satellite is freakin expensive.

We once had good credit scores. Thank goodness we traded in our old cars and leased this new car back when our credit was good! It's not so much anymore. Maybe if we ever are ale to buy a house, we'll have so much money that we can pay upfront in cash, so no one will care what our credit score is anyway. Right? I can dream...

Oh gosh. And have I mentioned that I have a fear (I'm hoping this is just stress worry and not a strange premonition) that I'm having twins. Wouldn't that be funny?

Oh life is funny. So funny.

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