Sunday, Nov. 01, 2009 12:04 p.m.

marriage, stage two

It's freakin November! How is this happening? Ahhh time...why must you continually creep up on me and push me along?
(Although, I did enjoy going back in time early this morning and getting to relive the 2 o'clock hour twice. Thanks for that.)

I've been noticing a change in me the past several months. It started as a thought, or even a survival mechanism; K working crazy long hours, my lack of close friendships, my hatred for my old job. It grew out of a, well, a form of depression maybe? Or perhaps a kind of surrender to reality? Or just a giving up, screw-the-world kind of attitude.

I think my new job has helped. I'm happy again. I'm me again. Good ole random me.

I think I've reached a good place in marriage too.

Years ago, when K and I were dating, I remember being at my parent's home and reading a random article posted on the bulletin board in the laundry room. My mom had no doubt placed it there, hoping her daughters would glean advice from it. Of course, if we ever read it, we never told her. But I did read it. It was about different stages in a long-term relationship/marriage. Considering I was starting to think marriage with K, I was curious if any of it were true.

At the time, I was all about getting to know K and wanted to do everything with him and share my entire life with him. The article said that this was usually the first stage; the desire to become one. The second stage though was one of increasing independence, the desire to establish oneself as an individual, rather than a couple. I remember wondering if this were true, as it seemed somewhat sad. Why would I ever want to "grow apart" from K?

But I think I'm in that stage now. And instead of being a sad stage, it's fantastic. Interestingly, I actually feel closer to K because of it. I recognize my ability to have my own life and do my own things, but at the end of the day, it is always him that I go home to. We trust each other; and that trust is empowering.

For example, Halloween last night. At a huge house party. I was confident going off without him, talking to strange guys and even, dare I admit it, flirting a bit. Why not? It was fun. I live in Los Angeles, land of perpetual youth. Why not exploit that? It's flattering to feel attractive. Even when I WAS single, I almost never actually took flirting to another level, so somehow doing the same thing now doesn�t make me feel as bad as maybe it should. I wasn�t planning to pursue anything by talking to them then; I�m not planning to pursue anything by talking to them now � so why not just have fun?

Although I did get kind of a sick enjoyment once or twice while talking to real sleazy guys; there�s nothing like watching their faces when I suddenly introduce them to my HUSBAND and they realize that they just wasted the past 10 minutes talking to a girl they never had a chance of sleeping with.

I�m going to Vegas next weekend with a friend from college. I joked with K about taking off my ring so I could flirt with guys and get free drinks. He told me I could. I think I might do it. Why not? He knows I won�t do anything other than gain feminine confidence�and that he�ll be the one to later reap the benefits.

I often wonder what our friends think of us. I may just be flattering myself, but I�d like to think that we�re a kind of an example to what marriage is really like.

I hope we�re a good example. I think we have a really good marriage.

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