Tuesday, Nov. 12, 2002 1:29 p.m.

being a girlfriend

I am a retard. It�s too weird being a senior in college, especially at THIS college. The trend is that you find your spouse here and that you are engaged or married by the time you graduate. You think I�m joking. Sure, I don�t know what the exact percentage is, but it honestly is a common attitude here. All three of my roommates are engaged and it seems like all of their friends are already married. To get away from it all, I started hanging out with a different crowd: the partiers (well, partiers for this school, at least) and people who just like to have fun. Yeah, they get their schoolwork done, they aren�t failing, but they just enjoy our last year here. No one was really dating or anything at first. I think everyone was having quite a grand time being single. I think I�m beginning to sense a change in our group now, too. It�s even got me! I�m now dating someone, I finally get a boyfriend my senior year, when I�ve never really dated anyone before. What does this all mean?

It�s such a new, interesting world. Yes, I really like this guy, I have never found anyone, especially at this school, who understands me like him. He knows about all that I think, we understand each other and we can talk about whatever and we can talk for forever. As I said before, he brings out things in me that I�ve always been too inhibited about and in turn, I bring out things in him that makes him who he wants to be. So, it�s all good.

But, perhaps because I�m at this stupid school and it�s my freaking SENIOR year, I can�t help but wonder where this is all supposed to go. Yes, I know, it�s been like 2 weeks since we started �officially� dating, so I�m not supposed to start thinking about this yet, but really? Considering this is the first time I�ve really dated someone, and we�re both graduating in May, am I just wasting my time? I don�t really think so. I�m learning a lot about myself and relationships. Things I didn�t know about before. So, I guess it�s all good.

But, really, the thought of it all scares me. I�m still not used to being a girlfriend and not being single. How am I supposed to be around other guys? Like, I was just now in the library talking to this guy in my history class about class and stuff. Honestly, I think he�s a cool guy, I keep running into him and we�ve been talking about stuff, he�s another guy that, if I were single, I probably could develop a little crush on. Well, as I�m talking, my boyfriend comes up (I guess he was in the library too) and gives me a little kiss on the cheek. Hmm�funny situation, I don�t think I mentioned to the history class guy that I had a boyfriend, we never talked about that even remotely, but he probably wouldn�t have guessed that I had one either, you know? So, yeah, is this bad? Is it bad to still think other guys are �interesting�? Maybe I just haven�t gotten used to being a girlfriend. I don�t know how to not talk to other guys in a way that suggests that I�m single, �cause I�m not.

So, yeah, this is all stupid stuff�but it�s kinda fun having all this new stuff to try and figure out�overall, I have to say that, so far, being in a relationship is really a nice thing!

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