Monday, Dec. 06, 2004 4:14 p.m.
everyone's having relationship problems??
so, my best friend vented to me today about being frustrated and annoyed with her husband...my little sister recently broke up with her boyfriend of 7 yrs. and I had to console her for days...one of my friends out here keeps having drama about a guy and I'm sick of giving her advice she never follows...another friend out here is miserable because her long-time love and now ex is dating some other girl...why is everyone suddenly having trouble with love right now??
personally, I'm doing the best I've ever done when it comes to love at the moment. ok, so I happen to be IN LOVE at the moment. weird. I swear I'm trying to be realistic about the whole thing though! :)
it's just really hard when everyone else seems to be so unlucky in love right now...so I'm only going to share my giddiness in this journal and not to anyone else who would just think I'm throwing in in their face...so fyi, don't read any of the following unless you want to puke from couple-ly sweetness:
I wrote this to him last night to get at work this morning:
hey, so you just left and here I am replying to your email. I know you know this, but I had a really good weekend! I'm not completely sure, but I think you may have had something to do with it too... :) why do you make me this way? hmm...thanks for taking me to go see the movie this afternoon. I don't know if me saying thanks really means anything, but really, maybe it was just being next to you, or maybe it was the movie itself, or maybe both, but it's was just one of the best ways to spend 2 1/2 hours...of course, the best would be to be in a bed lying next to you, though...ok, I'm starting to sound like you right now, and I know that you know that and I know that you are smiling some huge goofy smile right now and that just makes me smile!
thanks for being the happiness in my life recently...and the sappiness...you know I love you. (and I CAN'T believe that I'm saying this in this email right now, but I mean it and it's so true, so I'm typing it anyways)
hmm...ok, I don't want to have another sappy email day (I swear they make my insides swell so much that I can't handle it! :) ), so I'm going to stop this email, but until I'm able to email you today [at work], have great morning!
we are such retards, but I'm glad if I have to be retarded, at least we can be retarded together! :)
his email back to me this morning:
Wow.
:)
What an amazing email to start the day off with... You should see the smile on my face now. I cant describe the warmth that I feel. AAAAhhhhh... I want to come to your house RIGHT now and snuggle up next to you and talk about random things all morning and stop intermittently and make out and the snuggle up tighter.... :)
I'm glad that we can be sometimes sappy in emails and keep it between us :)I love you too (like you didn't already know that :) ) I'm also glad that I could bring out that "girl" in you... I knew you had that sap in you :)
I am not going to type any more response to this email....
Words would not do justice to how I feel about you or how giddy I am right now... You know that I would say this: I had an amazing weekend too. We still were able to have a good time with our friends, and we were able to be next to each other. I don't really know what I'm saying, but you know what im saying, but basically I'm sooo (giddy? happy?) that we were together this weekend, and, and.... I just cant describe it!!!!!! You make me so happy :)
I cant stop smiling.
Everything is so much better when I'm with you. Ok, I'm stopping now because I'm so overcome with giddiness I feel drunk and I'm not really sure what I'm typing, but you know what I'm saying....Ooooooohhhhhhh I love you :) ha ha ha. I'm retarded for you! :)
Good morning to you too :)
Ok, I'm stopping now. Like I said, words cannot articulate how I felt about this weekend, about you right now :) Just know that right now I'm smiling a huge smile (you were right!!! how did you know I'd be smiling?) and you made my day a much better day....
Xoxoxoxoxoxo
ME :)
I totally melted after reading this - I'm such a freakin girl sometimes!!!!!
Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.