Wednesday, Dec. 08, 2010 7:47 p.m.

the truth about teen suicide

I was watching this E! Investigates Teen Suicide thing just now. To be honest, it kind of annoyed me. Anything does, really, that tries to "understand" suicide or makes it seem as though people who commit it, or even just consider it, are psychologically flawed.

Here's the truth: We each individually have the choice whether we want to remain alive or if we want our lives to be over. And I think we should have that choice. I don't think suicide should be looked down upon as much as it is.

I definitely think there should be education programs about it, and people should be taught coping mechanisms, because let's face it - life gets tough sometimes. But I don't think we should tell people who consider suicide that there is something wrong with them. There isn't.

In fact, I think all normal people SHOULD think about suicide, and what they want to choose to do with their life. Wasn't it Camus who said that suicide is the one true philosophical problem? Or something like that?

Have I considered suicide in the past? Definitely. As recent as a couple months ago. And to be honest, I'd still rather enter into death by my own hand and by my own planning, than by all the other many unpleasant ways one could meet their demise. I'm alive because I know that this life is the only one I've got and I'm curious about seeing it through for awhile longer...but I have absolutely no desire to live forever. Even if I did - it's impossible to - we all die eventually.

So why must a person be forced into prolonging the inevitable?

Logically, I think it is worth it to fight through the rough patches of life to see where your life can go, because I know that many times, time has an interesting ways of changing things - I'm not advocating suicide here. But I just think that there can come a point in a person's life where it may not be worth it for them to continue - and I think that's ok.

Because, as pessimistic as this sounds: We're born, we spend some time on earth, then we die. In the grand scheme of the universe, our individual lives are not all that particularly important.

And though it may seem strange, the above realization actually makes me feel free...and happy about this short life that I'm privileged to be given.

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Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?
Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying

Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.