Thursday, Feb. 04, 2010 11:21 a.m.

falling into place

Well, things are starting to fall into place. Not everything, and nothing is really in place, just starting to get there. And many things still won't for a couple more months, but at least I can get started on figuring out some things in my life. The last couple weeks were a little chaotic, to say the least; so many things were up in the air.

---------------
1) This egg donation. I have to recap this, as I feel like in entries from the past month or so I've never fully explained it. I know it won't make complete sense to most and I didn't want to have to re-explain every time something changed:

In November, after our IUI (artificial insemination) didn't work, and I knew from the sample numbers that IVF (in-virto fertilization) with ICSI (where the lab sticks the sperm in the egg for you) would be our best option, I got a little, well, depressed. So I came up with a plan. I decided to look into doing another egg donation. Though we are having difficulty concieving, egg quality is not the problem. I was ideally hoping to find a couple who would be willing to split my eggs with me instead of receiving a compensation. Since egg donation is basically the same things as IVF (only without transferring the embryos back), the difference with this cycle would have been that the recipients get half the eggs for their husband's sperm, I get half the eggs to use with my husband and then transfer back into me.

(Don't you just love how sterile this whole process has had to become for me? :) )

I matched with a couple, however, after weeks and weeks of talking to each other and with doctors, it was decided that the recipients would be better off not splitting and doing a regular donation cycle. So that is what I am currently gearing up to do.

It's weird, being back in the egg donor saddle. I'm happy about it, as I really enjoy donating, but it's so much different this time around. I worry that I'm wasting my time doing this. Sure, the compensation is going to help K and I fund our own IVF sometime later this year, and it's unlikely we'd conceive on our own during these months anyway, but still. It's just extra time wasted in a way.

Also, this donation is an independent donation. Which means that I am in touch with the recipient, which I haven't been before. We email back and forth. Last night, I drafted our contract. Pretty much, I took the three contracts that were drafted by a lawyer from my previous donations and made it fit us. It took awhile, but it was kind of fun. I got to play lawyer, wording things in the best way I felt I should. You have to think about things you never thought you'd have to think about in them: what if the recipients die on the 2nd day of stim meds? What about the 8th? or after the trigger shot? How does each change things? What are the recipients allowed to do with any excess embryos? Will I allow them to destroy them, donate them to research, or donate them to another couple? What if I later find out I have a genetic disease - what am I required to tell them? Anyways, it's interesting.

After this donation, I am unsure what to do. There is another lady that I really like and who is completely on-board with doing a split-cycle with me...only her husband is deployed and won't be back until October. Do I want to wait that long? I mean, I turn 30 in October. :( Or maybe I could do the cycle sooner, except freeze her portion of the eggs for her to use when her husband returns? I just don't know what will happen with this...

And I don't know when we end up getting pregnant. I hope by the end of the year, but you know, I thought for absolutely sure it'd be by the end of last year, so who really knows?

---------------
2) Jobs. I love my job and for the first time ever, I do not want to leave it and want to stay here for years. However, they don't pay a lot and we have a lot of debt (and IVF is expensive!) and I have decided to get a second job. I was applying like crazy to tutoring places for a couple weeks and heard nothing. Then, in the same couple days of course, I heard from two places and found a third I like even better. One is a for-sure thing, as I worked there in the past and can start right away. A second I went to an interview for yesterday but just didn't feel the place, and even though the owner offered to raise my salary from $16 to $17 to $20 an hour in order to keep me (honestly, I think the desperation I sensed freaked me out a little bit), I ended up turning it down. I was supposed to start with the for-sure job today, but I'm going into the place I WANT to work for on Mon., so I told the for-sure place that something came up and will come in on Tuesday instead. I hate doing that to job, just holding them on the back burner while I try other things out, but really, what's a person supposed to do?

I'm also waiting to find out what's going on in my summer job. I really wont to work at CTY again, but I want to move to a different campus, so I have to risk my old course/position in order to see if anything new is available...and I don't like taking the risk! :)

---------------
3) Housing. We talked about this for awhile and even though we never really wanted to, I think we've decided to do it. We're gonna move when our lease is up in May. We really liked this place when we moved in. But we don't need the second bedroom (we really thought a kid was coming), and we want a place that will let us have our dog back, and hopefully somewhere that is cheaper so we can save more money. We're not going to break our lease, but it's not fun to live in a place where you know you are only biding your time either. I was starting a garden in the back, but quickly gave that up, as I won't be able to reap the rewards anymore. I was really excited about that garden too, and did a lot of prep work for it. So it kind of sucks. But maybe we'll find a much better place for us afterall.

And it also sucks knowing that I can't look for a place yet. The craigslist search is fun, but I know all the available places will be completely different by the time we are able to move.

---------------
4) Timelines. All of this stuff is likely to change during the April-June time frame. Which is interesting, because this is when K is the most busy and will likely be going out of town and not around much. I had wanted to go with him, but too much will be up in the air at the time, so who knows what will happen.

Oh, and also - I now have jury duty in April too! ha ha, I'd better not get put on a jury! K did a couple years ago and his trial went for 6 weeks!

Anyways, this is my life. Starting to fall into place. 2010 is going to be an interesting year.

previous | next