Saturday, Mar. 06, 2004 2:50 a.m.

late night random ramblings

i'm not going to bed tonight. there's no way. i don't have time.

i think sometimes that being really tired shares some of the same sensations as being drunk. not the whole non-inhibition thing, but the slow refelxes, the disorentation, the really random thinking and inability to really make sense of your thoughts in words that sense.

i've decided that i think this place is making me selfish. it's like it's the only way to survive here. you gotta watch out for yourself first. i mean, take traffic. no one ever lets you in or change lanes or have the parking space, so you end up having to force yourself in places, not caring if you cut the other cars off. no one ever waves the polite "go ahead" or "sorry" or "that's alright" universal raising of one hand signal. oh, but if you ever make the slightest mistake and start to change lanes with someone in your blind spot, i swear thay act like it's the end of the world or something! i'm really sick of people using their horns. i hate the sound of car horns. it always makes me want to yell "fuck you!" back at them.

this place is also giving me a potty mouth.

i'm excited about going back to the South for 6 weeks. this job is going to be an insane trip but i'm so excited! i've been dealing with so many up north or west coast types. people in the South live life such a differnt way - i miss it, even if it's more religious and conservative than i like sometimes. it'll be fun to be with the rest of the crew who'll try to deal with people in the fast-paced, business-like way that's so common in this industry and then there'll be me who actually knows how to talk to people like they're real people and not a means to achieve an end.

i swear i'm gonna marry a guy from the South. or at least, i'll never marry a guy from up north - i don't think they're bad people up there, but i don't know, i guess i just feel that they are a lot more close-minded than the supposed close-minded people in th south sometimes. i hate when people think they are so open-minded that they are completely close-minded to those they consider to be close-minded.

i'm tired. it's 3am. i still gotta figure out how i'm getting to the airport tomorrow. i have to take my car to some auto shop an hour away and then figure out how to get to LAX from there. i may have to take the bus. yay - going through the middle of l.a. on public transportation with all my luggage.

i've only ridden a public bus once before and that was 10 yrs. ago in girl scouts. they were teaching us how to use public transportation and we had to find the bus schedules and map out the bus stops and have the right change and stuff. i guess i actually learned something valuable in my 6 yrs. of girl scouts, huh?

i've gotta stop this entry. it's getting really random and pointless. and i have no clue when i'll be able to update again, so people are probably going to see this entry and if they make any type of immediate judgement about me from it, it's going to be that i'm long-winded and random and sleep-deprived. all of which are kinda true, i guess...but still, it's still kinda nice to have a good entry up when you'll be gone for awhile - you know, to get people interested and think that you're cool enough to read more or something.

but i think i'm just gonna have to settle for being unintersting for right now. i'm too tired to be anything but.

in 9 hrs. i'll be on a plane to flordia. that's such a weird thought.

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