Friday, Mar. 28, 2003 1:10 a.m.
Philosophy of Mind 101
I have the psychotic job of working the front desk in a dorm two days a week from 2-6am. So, right now, though it's the middle of the night, I'm just wasting time until I go to work. I'm alone in the lab right now except for the cleaning lady who is giving me kinda weird looks...
I was surprised by myself today. I was quite vocal in my philosophy class. I usually choose not to say much, for it seems as though everyone else operates on the assumption of Christianity and can't allow thier minds to fathom my views. But today we were discussing philosophy of mind (one of my favorites...and I sound like such a loser, huh!) and someone made the observation/question that a non-religious person couldn't possibly be a dualist - the belief that the mind/body are seperate. Well, I'm not EXACTLY a non-religious person, but I'm probably much closer than anyone else in the room...and I'm a dualist. And I voiced my opinion that "spirit"(or mind, or soul) dosen't necessarily equal the Christian God - and that's how you can be both.
Then we broke the class into dualist and materialist (the belief that the mind is physical, that soul dosen't exist) perspectatives and I was stuck w/a bunch of dualists who had no argument whatsoever for that belief! So I got stuck arguing half the class alone...but I actually kind of enjoyed it. sure, I was scared to death 'cause people are intimidating, but I actually stated my beliefs loud and clear...it was quite liberating...
And it made me realize that I need to start thinking again. I mean, actually thinking deeply, not only being caught up with the priorities of today...I admit I haven't been putting a lot of thought into things like religion lately...I've stopped having mind space and time to figure this out...but thinking is so fufilling...I need to do it more often.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.