Monday, May. 24, 2004 10:39 p.m.
small world after all
ok, i just decided that this big huge internet world that usually seems so endless and anoymous is really quite a small world after all... (yes, feel free to start humming the all too familier tune here..) i was just looking through amazon.com at some music and music reviews, and following those little recommend lists that people have posted. i realized that i reconigzed the email address of the person who had posted the list i was going through, and then it hit me who that was: musicguy. or that's his diary name at least. but yeah, he had emailed me a few times once and then i kept up with his diary for awhile there. it was just weird - like seeing an old friend at church that you used to get drunk every weekend with back in the days. i guess i've gotten so used to feeling as though all these people i know through the internet, wether through diaryland, or emails, or anything else, are just make-believe or something. they exist, but they only exist in the world of diaryland and/or emails. but to think that we all exist beyond words on a screen. that i am a real person, right now sitting at a real table, drinking from a real water bottle that is really cold and damp on the sides from the condensation. there's so much background right now to me - and to think that anyone else out there who's reading this is also real. maybe they are sitting in a real library with other real people around them, or maybe in a school computer lab and other people around them are typing last minute papers before the semester ends, or maybe sitting alone at home listening to some mellow music during the middle of the night 'cause they can't sleep...who knows? it's just weird when you start to imagine faces and real-life lives for everyone on here - reality starts to seem really amazing - just the fact that there are things that surround us and that my enviroment is unique to me. i don't know. and it's weird that i'm doing all this thinking 'just cause in this internet world, it's like i ran into someone i know from home in another country...it really does seem like a small world sometimes...
Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.