Wednesday, Jun. 08, 2011 1:04 p.m.

24 days

I should write an entry. It's been 24 days since my last one. I don't especially feel inspired to right now, though I have at other times in the past couple weeks and just never got on here.

A week and a half ago, K's grandfather died. K was actually very close to his grandfather, which is something I've never fully understood, as I was never close to my grandparents, but I know that he was very close. Trusted his grandfather more than his own dad, actually. We've known for years that he was slowly getting less and less mobile and closer and closer to passing, so I can't say that it was a surprise...but still, I know that it was hard for K.

I flew out to the funeral with him, in Florida, last week. I'll be honest, I only went because I love K enough that I wanted to be there for him. Because otherwise, I dislike funerals and usually opt not to go to them. Too much emotion for me - and I usually do best if I recognize and accept the loss of a person logically. Crying is not fun.

There was an open casket. I shouldn't say this of course, but open caskets always make me extremely uncomfortable. I understand their purpose and that for some people, it is an important part of their grieving to see the body, seeming to rest peacefully, and know they are gone. But for me - I prefer for my last image of a person in my mind for them to be alive and happy. I feel as though my memory becomes tainted when my last image of them is instead of their body.

But the funeral was not for my sake, it was for K's. And I know it really helped him, even if it was a difficult time.
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Pregnancy is still going well. I'm clearly showing now and obvious and it's weird because now everyone knows. Even people I don't know.

I don't know if I'm bonding with it yet, but I am coming to terms with the size of this thing inside me. It's huge. Well, it's still small, but huge as in if it were to be born at this point, it would look like a person and doctors could actually have a good chance of saving it. So it's considered "viable". Which makes it real.

It moves a lot and the movement always reminds me of what it felt like when I'd eat a big meal and have digesting rumbles. But it happens all the time, and sometimes is annoying, but mostly I just forget about it.

I'm starting to seriously think about the birth now. It's so strange that that will happen to me. It's so strange that I am actually pregnant. It's so strange that my stomach being big is not because of fat or eating too much, but because it's supposed to take this shape as this foreign thing grows inside me. It's so strange that I'm just going to keep getting bigger and bigger and that soon I will not be able to easily see my feet when I stand. It's so strange that in 3 months or so there will be a squirmy baby creature that will belong to K and I to take care of for the next 18 years. It's all so weird.

But I love having all these weird things to think about.

And I love feeling so in love with K right now and being so content and happy.

I feel like I'm in a very magical time of life right now and just enjoying every minute.
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School is just about over. I have three weeks of summer break, then three weeks of teaching at this summer program, then next school year starts already. It's all going to happen so fast. It kind of worries me. This new stage of my life will be here before I know it.
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K is on hiatus right now. This last season finished a couple weeks ago. Which also means that his awesome paychecks stopped. We have money saved up of course, in fact, more money that we've ever had saved up, but oh, how money can disappear quickly. I get one more paycheck before school ends, and then I'll get paid at the end of July for my summer job, and then start getting paid again once school starts in August...but I mean, we definitely can't live on just my income. K's unemployment will help, but it's strange to wonder where K will go from here. I guess we've officially entered the life of the sporadic tv writer.
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Have I mentioned in here that I have a garden and that I love it? Because I do, and I do. :) Green beans growing right outside my office window are almost big enough to start picking. Sitting out in my small garden just makes me happy. Why, I don't know. But it does. I like growing things. :)

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