Sunday, Jul. 17, 2005 10:47 a.m.
hollywood future
ok, so obviously yesterday the sixth Harry Potter book came out. I'm a fan, I pre-ordered mine, I counted down the days...
I also work at a day camp and use my love of Harry Potter as a way of relating and leveling with the kids. it's fun.
so on friday, I made a wizard's hat and some glasses out of pipe cleaners and drew a lighting bolt on my forehead with eyeliner and greeted the kids when their parents dropped them off.
most kids knew who I was supposed to be and I'd ask them if they liked harry potter or were getting the book tomorrow, etc.
one kid though, told me that he got to meet harry potter and ron before. he was with his mom or nanny or whatever, and through some cryptic and long-winded answers, I found out that this kid met ron and harry and hermonine on set in london. nothing was elaborated and the kid moved on.
afterwards, one of the co-directiors told me that that was christian slater's kid and they lived in london for a year and that's how he got to meet the cast.
so I work at a rich kids day camp on the beach. but sometimes it surprises me how used to this hollywood thing I've become.
my fiance works in film. several months ago, their company was doing some stuff with jennifer gardner and ben affleck came along too. my fiance and him chatted while jennifer was busy.
there's a picture of me and my finace on my finace's laptop desktop - ben asked who that was. my finace said it was his girlfriend, ben said she was cute.
I know it was just the polite response, but it still is kinda funny to think about.
I'm getting my teaching credentials so that I can become a teacher...to child actors on set. my fiance has a pretty decent job and has the potential to possibly make it somewhere big...if cards get played right.
I don't know how far into this hollywood world either of our careers will take us...but I have to be prepared for both massive sucess and massive failure.
sometimes it's really exciting to think that, who knows, maybe I'll get to go to the academy awards someday and rub elbows with all the famous and feel as though I fit in...but other times, it really scares me. I'm just a girl, hiding my inner self just as everyone is. I don't want to be in that world, for it's just the fake me, not the real one.
but film is his dream, and I like knowing that people, and especially him, have passions in life still. I want him to achieve his goals. so I will always support him in this industry. and I guess I kinda enjoy this crazy world too...
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.