Sunday, Aug. 22, 2010 9:34 p.m.
watching K's show
I'm watching Ks show right now.
Ahh...our lives.
Last Sunday, we had a BBQ at our house, and a viewing party for the show - it was K's first-ever writing credit. I didn't write about it in here, but I can't tell you how proud of I was of him while watching it. Seeing his name on screen. His words, spoken by actors, being watched by millions. It's pretty cool. He was nervous watching it with a big group. It was cute. It was a great episode. Personally, I think it was the best all season. I went on IMDB afterwards - apparently I'm not the only one who agrees. :)
I'm watching the new episode now. The main character is pleasuring a female character. I have to get used to watching these sex scenes, but I'll admit that I'm still uncomfortable with them. Too weird. Too close to home? Or something. Ironically, and incidentally, the actress who plays this character was at the same CPK we ate at earlier tonight. With her husband, and two young kids. I'd occasionally catch glimpses of them, a couple tables over, and think - how do they do it? How does it not bother them? How can she and her husband separate the characters she plays on screen from the one she lives in real life?
Does it bother them? It kind of bothers me, and my husband just writes the scenes, not acts them out. I understand how this business works; I know the difference between the simulated reality of a tv show and the actual reality of of real life...but I also know that the reality of the tv show is inspired by the reality of real life...and that's the part I have trouble with.
I shouldn't think these things, I know. I know it's two different things and I know it's just his job. I know K only contributes to some scenes, and other than last week's episode doesn't actually write them - but I can't help but know that any knowledge and experience he contributes to these scenes were ultimately inspired by the real life reality of OUR relationship. Or at least imagined or perceived by it. Because ours is the only real life relationship he has ever known. And that's the part that bothers me. And always will.
But I know he must do this. He is a good writer. I fully support him. But it's still strange.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.