Thursday, Aug. 29, 2002 1:08 p.m.
1 year and almost 100 entries later...
(just as a quick note: this entry is one of those talk-about-the-past-year kinds. So, hey, if you don�t like that type of thing: Then don�t read it! :))
wow�would you believe it? I�ve been at this online journal thing for a year now! but, really, I wonder, Why? I admit it (the whole concept of posting your inside thoughts and feelings online for anyone to see) was pretty strange at first, but now, I think I�d become rather addicted. I�m such a dork!!! :)
but, hmm�really, who was I when I started this thing? who was I just a year ago? I really don�t think that the few people who actually access my stupid journal thing here really care enough to read all through my past entries, but if one was to, for real, I�ve had a crazy and interesting year! I�ve:
* been depressed
*been stressed
*done the college thing
*auditioned for two different reality shows
*dropped EVERYTHING and moved to L.A (a huge, scary city I�d never been to)
*learned how to drive in L.A. traffic
*interned 3 days a week on a Hollywood movie lot
*met and hung out with the entire cast of Road Rules: Campus Crawl
*got into my first car wreck (on the 101 in downtown L.A. of all places)
*learned that the crazy world of entertainment is just that: crazy
*went to my first Hollywood premiere and got drunk for the first time at the after-party
*came back to Texas and discovered why being a Texan is the best thing ever
*became more confident in my beliefs which differ from most around me
*admitted to a few friends that I no longer am really a Christian
*worked at an incredible camp as a counselor and a photographer
*learned how to be the only girl surround by about 250 guys (days when I was the photographer on the boys side)
*bought my first ever string bikini and actually felt comfortable wearing it
*had a very random hook-up summer fling thing with some guy counselor one off night (I�d never done that before)
*watched the cousin I grew up with get married and be the maid-of-honor in her wedding
*start school again, but this time with a much more confident and honest approach than before, and a determination NOT to get depressed anymore
*get depressed again
*live with three engaged girls and constantly hear stuff about weddings, all the while being quite single
*and ah,�well, just stuff�.:)
so, yeah, it amazes me�life does�I like feeling like this. I guess this is why I keep a journal in the first place�so that occasionally, I can look back and see, from my own first-person perspective, where I was and where I�ve come. Journaling is one of the most helpful and therapeutic things I know of. I encourage everyone to pick up the hobby!!! :)
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.