Wednesday, Sept. 23, 2009 9:22 a.m.
subject change, sort of:
ok, time to change the subject:
I'm really quite fascinated with this news story about a lady that was accidentally inseminated with another couple's embryos and is now an unintentional surrogate.
The area of assisted reproduction is such a gray moral issue. I knew this while I was donating, and I know this now. I think one of the reasons I liked donating for this very reason. I felt above morality, in a separate realm that hadn't yet been decided upon.
Little people exist out in the world right now, that share my genes, that normally, in a natural world, would be MY children. That I should feel motherly instincts for. But someone else is raising them, and I will never meet them. I didn't get to experience carrying them, and other than my internet stalking of the twins, I'll never know anything about.
When one thinks of adoption, one thinks of possible abandonment issues, or of the birth mother changing her mind, or of future guilt. Genetically, I'm in the same situation. I parted with eggs that could have made a child that K and I would have shared. But instead someone else is sharing a child "with me", only I don't have a share in the child.
But see, it's different because I signed legal contracts relinquishing rights to any future children. Isn't that weird? That that's ok and normal to do? Our ancestors would have freaked out if they knew things like this were possible in the future! To play with and share our bodies the way we do!
Anyways, so I'm surprised that the two couples that are dealing with the accidental embryo implant seem to be handling it amicably. If we have to do IVF one day, and I got someone else's embryos and had to decide whether or not to carry them and then give up the baby...I don't know if I would do it. I'm surprised there is not a lawsuit challenging custody, despite the precedent set by a similar case in 1999. I also can't believe the clinic fessed up that they were switched. Imagine having to make that call.
Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.