2001-10-29 4:29 p.m.
encouragement??
I was looking online this afternoon and you know what I realized? There's a lot of 20-ish college students that have online journals or websites about finding meaning in life type of things. Hmm...are all these wonderings and thoughts just my age? Are all young people about to be thrown out into the real world supposed to think like this? Wondering what this life we're about to start is about? Does it all eventually fade once we get settled and fall into the routine we call our life? Do we just no longer have time to think about it anymore?
My roommate and mailbox-mate (along with some other friends I know) all got this little bag of candy in the mail today from an annoymous student just as an encouragement. Of course I can't say this out loud, but I'm jealous. Why can't I ever get some encouraging mail? There's been oh-so-many times I've needed some type of encourament, even if just to know that somone cares a little about me, but I never get any. I think it's because I don't show that I need it. People who act like, oh-my-life-is so-horrible-because -of-this-or-that,-won't-you-please-pray-for-me are the people who appear like they need encouragement, and so they get it.
So, why don't I show it? Well, I'd feel like a spoiled wimp if I ever was to act like I felt sometimes! I guess I've just learned that you have to suck it up; everyone has problems and it's not like they care about yours, so there's no reason to act like they should.
Anyways.
You know, I've been getting a good amount of feedback form my site recently. I guess that is sorta my encouragement, since, yes, I do tell about myself and what I feel on there. Though, not all the feedback is encouraging. I never imagined what starting this site offered for me. I get to hear all different types of people's viewpoints. And some poeple have some really good points! Others, though, make me laugh! :)
I just have gotten oh-so-much from hearing from people, and it's so incredible to hear other people's views other than one certain kind. I think I get too much of the one-sided arguments here at this school and in my family and just my life altoghter, and so it's just great to be able to honestly think however I want to!!
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?
Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.