2001-11-01 1:21 a.m.
Real World casting call!!!
OK, to start off, this entry is gonna be split into 2 entries, becuase I have a lot to write about, and who wants to read a huge entry??? Plus, it'll make it easire since there is two sorta parts to my day.
Well, hmm...,to describe it best, I'd have to say: Today was an INCREDIBLE day, and it was also a HORRIBLE day.
Today I did something totally spontanaous. I left at 6am and drove 4 hrs. to The Real World/Road Rules open auditions. I should do random things more often. I can't even describe how much I felt like "me" today. The real me! I didn't tell a soul I was going; I just went. It was awesome; I was so friendly and outgoing. I talked to so many people, people who weren't exactly like everyone else at my school. I could be real there cause I knew no one there would care if I didn't sound Christian enough. They weren't gonna be "worried" about me. I felt like I was this summer: happy.
We waited in line for 5 1/2 hours before getting to talk to the casting directors. It was long; but not too intolerable. When we finally broke into groups of 15 of talked about stuff; it was so cool! I think the only reason I think it was so cool is because all these people were so different; they believed so differently, and yet, they had no problem being open about it. I mean, we had the guy who didn't know if he was gay or straight, the girl who last month witnessed her botfriend murder someone. It was great to hear a little discussion and not the same "christian" answer for everything.
They asked us a few questions and one was what was the biggest misconception about us. I said the fact that people think I'm all goody-goody. He asked something else, and I mentioned about this website. I said that I worte about depression and he asked if I was depressed. Do you realize that that was the first time that either one of those facts had ever been spoken aloud by me? Ever! I felt free to be true there. It was nice.
Overall, only 20 people of the 800 there will get called back. My chances are not so great, huh? I so want to be on the show now. I want to be me again!! I really don't think I am me here, but we'll go into that in Part 2.
I had a great day!! I really, really did! Kevin, from season 10, was there, just walking around. The people were real friendly. I don't know how else to describe my day other that I wish my life could just be that day over and over again.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.