2001-11-26 7:27 p.m.
this is the one where I talk about high school and my new love of reading! :)
Well, I have a crapload of things to do this week, it's not even funny. But, then, I'm not laughing, either.
Well, I finally got to see Harry Potter yesterday!! It was really good, just like the book!! Of course, there was stuff left out, but look how long it was already! The Quidditch scene was really cool, I wish there could of been more. I'm finished with book three, and I think I'm gonna check book four out from the library (I'm a college student; I can't afford a hard copy since it's not in paperback yet!!). I can't believe how addicted to these books I already am! it's funny!! I started reading Lord of the Rings , part 1, this weekend. I guess it's about time I read this classic, and what, with the movie coming out and all! It's all Harry Potter's fault, I'm turning into such a bookworm! :)
I seriously wonder if I'm gonna be able to get everything done that I need to these 3 weeks: I have a large task in front of me. I don't even want to think about it.
I wonder sometimes that if all these people who know me on the outside were to read this journal or my site, what would they think of me? would I still be the same person to them? am I really that different of a person on the inside than I am on the outside? No one knows everything about me. I'm spread out in all differnt places. Those who know what I look like, don't know what I think like and those who know how I think, don't know how I look. It's funny.
Me and my roommate looked through this old high school graduation memory book today (we were best friends in high school, too) and it's so funny how we put so much sentiment into all that saying goodbye stuff. We talked in letters and things like we were wise and though we didn't know what the future held for us, we were prepared to embrace it with open arms and other crap like that.
What have I learned in college? that I really know nothing. Life is as it is. We can try to explain it, but I don't even know if it can be explained. I think this is a quote from some important person, but if not, hey, I'll claim it: "The more we know, the more we realize we know nothing." or something like that, anyways.
but, hmm..., that's life. it's just plain funny.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.