Friday, Dec. 15, 2006 3:26 p.m.

the irony of K

every once in awhile, there are those ironic moments that hit you right in the face - and you just want to freeze everything, have a good laugh, then un-freeze - and live the rest of the moment out until it's over and you know what to do with it.

once, years ago, when I was new to this city, I met a girl who was from Texas. we became friends. she introduced me to her friends. her friends were from Texas too. I felt at home.

she threw a party. at which some guy came up to me and told me he knew me. come to find out, we had gone to church in middle school together. small world.

later, at another Texas friends get-together, I got drunk and hooked up with this guy.

we never hooked up again, but he was always kind of flirty to me whenever we'd see each other - almost as if letting me know he'd be willing for another hookup if I wanted. but I didn't want one.

my friend moved away for grad school. I stopped hanging out with that group. time passed.

I started dating K. we got engaged. I sent out a mass email. of which the aforementioned guy was part of.

I forgot to mention that K and this other guy have the same name. and the same last initial. which is totally confusing.

so, my K and this other K met one day. at work. one was writing a script for the other. things were put together and they discovered that I was their common link...other than their identical names, that is.

they kept in touch through work, and then fell out of touch through work. and then we saw him on Friday with his girlfriend. we chatted. K, K, me and other K's girlfriend. funny little circle. we discovered we were attending the same party the next day. we saw each other and chatted there too.

we were invited to other K's birthday party last night. and went. and I saw a lot of Texas people I hadn't seen in years. a strange hollywood circle had brought me back around to where I had started, only as a completely different person this time around.

"weren't you off traveling the world or something?" people asked. "uh, yeah, but now I'm back, quit reality tv, started grad school, gotten married, and completely changed my career." oh. yeah, strange.

my K knows that I once hooked up with the other K, but we're obviously not weird about it. you can't be weird about those things in this industry. but I still felt a little strange last night.

people get drunk on their birthdays. the other K got drunk too. he'd come by me and hug me from behind or jokingly introduce me as his girlfriend. it was funny, and my K was there - but it still felt weird. I felt awkward.

I gave him a hug before I left, wishing him a happy birthday. he kissed me on the cheek - which people totally do, but I always feel strange about - and I felt even stranger when it came from him.

I don't want to block from my mind the fact that I made out with him once, as it did happen and I won't deny the past, but I also don't want to dwell on it either. I belong to my K now, and I always will belong to my K.

my K's on the computer right now. I'm mesmerized, once again, by him. the subtle facial expressions he makes at each email, the way he squints his eyes when he's thinking, or opens them big when he finds the solution - it's absolutely adorable and I want to laugh outloud. I'm so proud of him.

I will never let anything mess this up. no one will ever know me, nor have me, nor share the things with me, as K has. there is only one K. my K.

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