2001-09-02 9:53 p.m.
too much to do
OK, I'm very sick of today. I want my day to end now, but there's still more to do, but I don't wanna do it!
See, I get myself too involved. I can't really describe what I do, 'cause you'd have to be at my school to understand, but I'm an officer in one of our school's equavilant of a sorority. Why? Sometimes I don't know. I'm not quite as gung-ho about it as some of the other officers are. I'm not a detail person. I have good ideas, but I don't care if absolutly everything is perfect. But our sponsers are. Today I got chewed out by one of them because I wasn't early (that was my fault-I was trying to get last-minute things done and was very stressed)and nobody was doing the food table and I wasn't there (I was taking all the pictures, what I guess I thought was my job) and we had the wrong shaped nametags (it's my first time on the other sideof a rush; I never knew they were supposed to be a certain shape)and I hadn't called her like I said I would (I don't remember saying I would. I guess maybe I forgot). Anyways, these things don't have to be perfect!!!!!!!! It's all for fun anyways, isn't it?
It's been a long time since I was chewed out. It's not so much fun. What sucks is that I've only been putting everything else aside this whole week tring to get rush stuff done. This isn't my whole life! I don't wanna play anymore!
We have another rush tomorrow night. Now I'm stressed thinking of all the little things that I need to get done tomorrow and wondering how I'm gonna fit in my classes and other school stuff. You know, I don't even know if I have homework; I haven't had time to check yet this weekend. And now the weekend's over. looks like only a little sleep for me tonight.
I hate this! My goal this year was to get sleep and not take things so seriously and get stressed cause last year I learned: no sleep and a lot of stress do not make me very happy and when I'm not happy, I get depressed all too easily and that is not fun!!!
Well, I really don't need to be on the computer. I'm just procrastinating.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.