2001-09-04 12:43 a.m.

I'm so tired, it's not even funny and I'm writing really randomly

Hey. OK, today was pretty much a blah day. Well, not really, 'cause actually, I can't even remember what I did today because I did so much. It's late now. I'm tired, things didn't go the way they were planned, even though I planned them and everything went smoothly(not like yesterday). So, now? hm..., I guess just live with the way things are, but that's hard when you're real dissapointed and you did everything right and so don't know what to do different to make it better. Oh well.

I still haven't even peeked at what homework I could possibly have. I think I have a quiz in my 8 o'clock. I hate school! :)

Today in chapel (yes, my school has a required chapel everyday. it really isn't so bad as you might think, though), some guy was telling some story about a lady who was contemplating suicide and thought, "God, I won't go through with this if I can speak to [some Christian radio talk show person's name]" and then supposedly, "God" gave her 10 numbers and she called it. Well, over in ohio or somewhere, as this radio guy was walking along the street a pay phone rang. No one was around, so he answered it, and lo and behold, it was that very lady!

Anyways, the speaker went on to say that he had tracked down this guy to personally find out if this story was true and it was. The speaker also said that if he was an athesist or agnostic and heard this story, he didn't know how he could NOT believe in God.

Well, all I have to say is: what a load of crap!!!! I honestly have no reason to believe him, and, well, I don't. I'm not saying that this speaker or the guy that this story was about is flat out lying, but things get twisted and changed so easily; several good meaning christians may have "improved the story" until it ended up coming out different than what really started.

Also, what REALLY bugs me is: if she was suicidal and called out to God for a last-minute type of sign, why did he give it to her? why was her sucidalness of more importance than everyone else's? I'm sure that just about everyone who's killed themselves have asked for a last minute "sign" from God as a last-ditch effort to avoid killing themselves. God dosen't seem to want to give me signs. In fact, he really dosn't give very many people "signs". This dosen't make sense to me, and I think I perfer beleiving in things that do make sense. Why trick myself into believing anything just to make me feel good about things? I'm tough; I can handle the real world.

My roommate just walked in as I was typing. Not a big deal,right?, but now she knows I have a diaryland diary. and that sucks, 'cause what if she ever stumbled upon it now!!?? she would think it could be me, and then match up the fact that she knows I have a diary on here, and then...............she would know all about my inside self, and my god, I think I would just die!!! for real! I can't imagine not having any secrets that are just my own. that's how I normallly keep going: by knowing that I am who I am, and I alone know things about myself.

ahh.....I'm really tired. Sleep is stupid, why do we need to have so much of it??? 'cause I don't usually have time to get the sleep I need and I do so bad when I haven't gotten sleep. Sleep is the dumbest thing ever invented, I think. Yeah, dreams are kinda fun, but only when you remember them. Otherwise, sleep just takes up a whole 4th of your day. And you don'tdo anything!!!! I just think sleep is stupid, but important, 'cause I'm real tired rigth now and am cranky and just writing very randomly. But I almost don't want to go to bed, 'cause I know I'll just feel even more tired in the morning and Iwon't have time for weeks and weeks and weeks to attempt to catch up.

ahh....I need to go to bed!!

previous | next