Sunday, Jan. 04, 2004 6:15 p.m.
resolutions
ok, so last night around 10:45-11:30, outside the Burbank airport, as i was freezing and sitting on an even-colder cement bench in the 36 degree weather wearing only jeans, flip flops and a short sleeve shirt (i�m a texas/cali girl � i don�t own warm clothes.) waiting for the super shuttle because my roommates/friends were too �busy� to pick me up, i realized why we, as mankind, should do unto others:
because it�s nice.
and it sucks when you�re the one that has to freeze. so, even though i still think that we all act mostly in our own self-interest, i�m going to add this to my new years resolutions. (i know they are pointless to make and you never follow through with them, but i think that making them at least makes me feel like i�m wanting to improve even if i don�t. and hey, wanting to improve is an improvement in my life�)
so, in 2004:
1. I will not think about guys so much. I will enjoy my life, and if a guy comes along, GREAT!, but I won�t go out searching for one.
2. I will actually try to work out! Along with continuing to do sit-ups, I will also walk/run every morning and do stairs once a week so that I�ll be in shape to hike the Grand Canyon in March.
3. I will not sleep so much.
4. I will always be reading something and learning more about life. I will occasionally go to church so that I never become bitter against religion or Christianity. I will keep praying and searching and being open-minded to what may or not be in regards to faith and knowledge.
5. I will try to figure to figure out what �wisdom� really means and afterwards possibly strive for it above all else.
6. And my newest resolution, even when I don�t want to do something for someone, I will consider what it�d be like for me to be in their place and what I would hope someone would do for me.
i feel good now.
you know, i�ve been feeling really old recently and that my life should be different anyways. i think i�m going to write my next entry on how �a decade ago, i never thought i�d be 23, on the verge of spontaneously combusting. woe is me.� hehe, just kidding! but i do think i�m going to write on being 23, because it�s a weird age and i think it sounds really old and starts making you think in weird ways�
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.