2002-02-08 11:16 p.m.

The 'Real World' - aren't reality shows great?

OK, today's entry is going to be on reality shows. Honestly, I find them to be incredibly interesting. Why is it that we are facinated by watching real people on TV? Because it's real life, right? Because it's not acting, it's kind of celebrating the dramas and conflicts of everyday lives and showing that the 'Real World' can be just as interesting as TV and the movies. Right?

Well, interning for the creators of The Real World/Road Rules/Making The Band is really showing me a lot about 'reality'. OK, I have to say, I am still a fan of reality shows and will always be. I do not dislike reality shows just because I know how they are made. But, I will no longer look at them the same way. Oh, and in case anyone's wondering, no, they are not scripted. No one tells the cast members the story they have to act out. What you see really did happen. But that does not mean that what you see is what you think you are seeing. Because of time, it's obvious that everything the cast does will make it to a show, but still, the stuff you see is exaggerated. Things are portrayed differently than they were orginally intended. Quotes may be taken that were meant for something totally different, but used to mean whatever makes the story better. The people who appear as bitches, aren't necessarily. and those who appear as jerks, aren't necessarily jerks either. 'Reality' shows are about as real as the story editors decide them to be. But you can't blame them, they are trying to make a show, they are doing their job, creating conflict and drama. Just, let this serve as a warning: if you're planning on trying to be on a reality show, know that you are signing your life away and that you no longer have control over how you are portrayed, and that everyone will forever think that you are however they portrayed you.

It's very cool to be in a place where you can think and believe however the heck you want to. I like the fact that you may interact with gay people and no one treats it as a weird thing. Not that I'm saying I think being homosexual is a totally non-weird thing, 'cause I think it is, but I love the fact how people don't seem to judge as much here. I also love how everyone has high hopes of making it in the film industry one day. It's perfectly normal to say that you want to go into film, everyone is just trying to get by and to make it. Back at ACU, people kind of have this impression that Hollywood is evil and all that it does is corrupt people. Saying you want to work in film only makes people look at you funny,as though you are a 5 yr old talking about being an astronaunt when you grow up.

So, yeah, L.A. and all the expirences here so far are really good for me, I think. I do miss the country and seeing land and empty spaces that isn't just full of more and more city, but this is a great place to get away from the image I have to uphold in order to be myself at school.(how do things work this way? isn't that kind of contridictory? yeah, I think so too!) I don't think through all of this that I will find a meaning to life or anything, but it's just nice to know that there really are other people in the world who aren't stuck in their religious meanings to everything all the time.

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Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?
Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying

Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.