2002-03-16 1:58 p.m.
alcohol
Well, this week has been a really good week. It's Spring Break for all my friends back at school and several of them came out here to visit me and the other two girls doing internships out here. Honestly, I'm not super close friends with most of them, but I know them enough to go and hang out with them.
Well, we did a bunch of stuff and it just reminds me how much I love friends!! :) It was a little weird sometimes being surrounded with people again from my school, but it's cool 'cause I think I'm noticing that I've becoming much more confident in myself and what I believe, even if it is different than the norm. OK, well, being asked where I go to church out here (I don't) and also getting into a deeper conversation at dinner one night about growing up sheltered and rebeling and faith was all a little difficult. I didn't want to completley come out and say "I don't really believe all that as much anymore". But I never pretended to believe something I didn't. I just kept quiet a lot.
OK, as for why I titled this entry alcohol: It's funny. I never drink. I really don't. I've never gotten drunk, only slightly buzzed. I've had only about a dozen drinks of anything my whole life. And half of those were just from this past week! I've had 2 sex on the beaches(those are good!), 2 glasses of wine, a virgo(or some type of mixed drink something) and two coronas. and FOUR of those were from yesterday. I feel almost guilty now. I know it's my spring break, sort of, but I didn't need to buy alcohol. what's the point really? for one thing, it's expensive. and it's not like I'm trying to get drunk. And it's not like I'm trying to rebel and be bad (it's also funny how I've never really gone through that rebelling stage). I guess being out here is just my chance to explore and expierence things I haven't before. I guess I just enjoy taking advantage of the freedom I have to do what I want out here. I'm not under any contract like I am when a student at ACU. I'm 21. I'm allowed to buy a drink now and then. But still, I feel a slight bit guilty. Oh well, I guess I'll get over it, right? :)
But, yeah, I finally got to go all the fun L.A. stuff this week. I love friends, but I will be glad next week when everything is back to its' routine, if boring, ways.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.