Friday, Apr. 23, 2010 11:58 a.m.

believing differently

Maybe this is the norm, maybe not, but I have a very eclectic group of friends on facebook. I feel as though I have run the gamut as far as social groups I've belonged to at some point in my life or another. And along with these different social groups come different political and societal view and opinions.

I'm friends with ardent republicans and ardent democrats. Those on the far-left, far-right, and everywhere in between. A major political decision can be made (i.e. heath care bill) and my home page will list status updates both hailing and scorning the decision. I get invited to join groups supporting either side of issues, as people who don't know me well just automatically assume that if I'm "friends" with them, then I must share their views - afterall, most people are unable to be truly open-minded and accept other people who don't agree with them.

I often feel a desire to play devil's advocate no matter what the issue is. Or maybe it's just that I want to remind people that even though they may not understand it, intelligent people can believe opposite of them. But I'm always torn, as I don't think the people really want to enter into any kind of debate or challenge to their opinions. People want to believe what they want to believe and they want other people to tell them that they agree with them.

But what if I don't agree?? Part of me says that I should just be polite and just not comment or say anything. But then another part of me says that no one discusses or debates anything anymore, nor knows how to civilly disagree with others...so why would it be so bad to expose someone to a differing viewpoint? Afterall, wouldn't understanding a differing viewpoint only allow them to strengthen theirs?

We don't discuss these things in person nowadays, and I think it's important to understand where others are coming from - so wouldn't a more mutual, and less-confrontational medium such as message or email (or even sometimes facebook status replies) be preferable than face-to-face when emotions can often take hold and cause arguments to get out of hand?

I find this the most difficult to know what I should do when it comes to discussing redefining marriage to include same-sex unions. I have done much thinking on this, and I believe in the traditional definition of marriage as a man and a woman. I have legitimate, logical and valid reasoning for my opinions. I am not against rights, I am against redefining a word that represents a very sacred institution throughout history. When I see facebook statues claiming that they don't understand how anyone can be against same-sex marriage, or even worse, when they start attacking or calling those who support traditional marriage ignorant and bigots - I feel compelled to answer. Something at least. Just to let them know that I don't support it, and that I am not a bigot...and that I'd love to have a chance to explain my reasoning if they'd want to understand. I'm not asking them to change their mind - I know they won't - I'm just asking them to try to understand where someone is coming from before they accuse them of "hate" or ignorance.

However, the few times I've tried to speak up - it never ends well. I am polite as possible. I speak of everything objectively without making anything personal to or from a particular person. I am open-minded to other opinions that are different than mine - I just want someone to realize that they also need to be open-minded back.

So the question is: do I just concede to go quietly through life, and let people think that no one has a different belief than them - and then they are shocked when voting numbers come back (in all 30 states where gay- marriage" has been put to a vote by the people, traditional marriage won)? Or do I politely keep reminding others that I am here and that I am normal and smart...and that I, and others, do hold different beliefs, and for legitimate reasons.

What is better to do? Stand up for my beliefs, or pretend they don't exist in order to make others happy?

What if standing up for my beliefs ostracizes me from any of the few friendships I have in this city? Is it worth it?

Or should I just move away from here?

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