Sunday, Sept. 22, 2002 8:51 p.m.
Truth or Dare
I want to write more in here than I get a chance to. So many things happen, so many things I think about. But it�s not like I�m around a computer to write it all down. You know, why do I even bother? I hate being busy constantly.
Boys. Yeah, definitely got embarrassed earlier this week. I�ve decided that guys are horny. And when they are drinking, yeah, even more so. It�s alright though. It�s kind of been interesting for me to sit around with them and hear them start talking about sex and stuff � um, you know what I�ve realized? There�s a whole heck of a lot in this world that I don�t know about. I guess I always knew that I�ve been pretty na�ve and innocent, but I somehow thought that I was more innocent and less na�ve. I guess I still am pretty na�ve. But yeah, so anyways, they decide to start playing Truth or Dare. I absolutely despise that game, I always have. I knew what kind of questions/dares would be asked especially when a few of them had had a few beers already. And of course, not only would they not let me leave, but they, of course, always chose ME. It was like, let�s-pick-on-the-innocent-one. I always pick truth �cause I�m scared of dares, and so I was asked several, well, you know, Truth or Dare questions. Guys really like to talk about sex, huh? Oh well, I guess I�m becoming more of a typical, non-ACU, college student this year and seeing what normal people are like.
Yeah, so more happened this week than the, oh, 1 hour I talked about above. I have a date to a guys social put on by the pledges � I�ve never been asked to one in the 3 years that I�ve been here. I�m pretty excited. OK, so I�m super excited! For the first time, I feel like I actually have really good guy friends. I mean, I honestly prefer to hang out with the guys other than girls. Girls are fun, but they are so much harder to feel comfortable around sometimes. I think girls tend to see each other as competition a lot. I mean, we act very nice to each other, we always get along because, after all, we have this female-bond thing going on, but, in all honestly, girls can be much more vicious and fake than guys are. So, sometimes, it�s just nice to hang out with the guys.
Thursday, Aug. 03, 2017 - hello?Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2014 - strange dream
Monday, Oct. 06, 2014 - catholic and friends
Thursday, Sept. 04, 2014 - changing. and I need to go to bed.
Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014 - dreams of dying
Chapters of My Life
Motherhood
Sept. 2011 - now Being a mother.
Isolation&Infertility (&pregnancy)
Aug. 2009 - Sept. 2011 Working from home in a job that I love...that comes with a loneliness I hate. A husband who works too much, and continued failure to start a family. Slowly spiraling, forgotten, into social invisibility. Accepting and experiencing the potential of pregnancy.
First-Year Teacher
Aug. 2008 - Aug. 2009. pretty much the hardest job I hope I ever have. and all the while trying not to admit my secret turmoil over longings for/attempts at/failure to produce what's supposedly supposed to come after love and then marriage...
Optimism
Aug. 2007 - Aug. 2008. finally accepting that becoming a normal grown up is not just inevitable, but preferable. better job situations for both of us. working freelance as a studio teacher, and becoming an egg donor.
Fading Dreams...
Dec. 2006 - July 2007. student teaching, being poor, consistent job rejections, trying to save face while feeling hopeless.
To Live a Life Worth Death...
July 2006 - Nov. 2006. thinking about death a lot, accepting life and my eventual end. career and passions - beginning the path of contribution to what I will leave behind...
Identity Crisis/Marriage
Oct. 2005 - Apr. 2006. new job. new career. new last name. new husband. new life. who was I and what was I becoming?
The Official End to Childhood? II
June 2005 - Sept. 2005. preparing for a life that still felt like pretend. was I really a 'grown-up' already? weird.
The Official End to Childhood? I
Feb. 2005 - June 2005. losing my virginity, getting engaged, changing my career, selling our childhood home...slowly losing everything that held me as a child... (Meet Mr. Mom 4/05 - 5/05. working/travelling on production of my 4th & LAST reality show ever.)
Quarter-Life Crisis/Unemployment
Sept. 2004 - Feb 2005. no steady job for 5 months - definitely not a good place to be. oh, and I fell in love - which is a good place to be, but it kind of only adds to the confusion.
Postlude to the Prelude
Apr. 2004 - May 2004. I had no clue what things were being set in motion...but everything has changed from there.
The Simple Life 2
Mar. 2004-Apr. 2004. not the deepest thinking period of my life, but I learned a heck of a lot about production of a reality tv show.
L.A. #2 - The Real World
Aug. 2003-Feb. 2004.the big move. transplanting my life. ironically not only working in the "real world", but also AT the company that makes The Real World.
That Weird, Here Nor There, Summer
May 2003-Aug. 2003. a college graduate, but not yet in the grown-up world. just existing. and waiting. and thinking.
Goodbye College
Jan. 2003-May 2003. it's a weird thing, the last semester of college. lots of thinking about what lies beyond.
The Semester From Hell
Aug. 2002-Dec. 2002. it was kind of like I tried to cram 4 yrs. of growing-up experiences into one semester.
I've Changed?
Apr. 2002-Aug. 2002. after L.A. and stuck right in-between the two most intense "finding-myself" semesters of my life!
L.A. #1 - Interning/Discovering
Jan. 2002 - Apr. 2002. I finally stepped WAY outside my comfort zone and went where I had no freakin idea what I was doing. Living outside your bubble for awhile really makes you see differently.
Beginnings/Depression
Aug. 2001-Jan. 2002. who I was, and sometimes who I still am. how it started and how it was before.